IF I WERE ——a funeral home, I would give end of life education materials to all who are making prearrangement funerals plans. It is an opportunity to provide education in an area that will be needed someday.
IF I WERE ——an attorney, I would give my clients educational material on writing advance directives, so they can make informed choices.
IF I WERE —— an employee of a doctor's office, I would have in the reception area end of life information handouts as reading materials.
IF I WERE —— a physician, I would have end of life materials to give to my patients who were approaching the end of their life. Patients that I was having a difficult time fixing. The materials would be part of my healing skills to guide them through their last breath.
IF I WERE —— a social worker, I would have on hand end of life education materials to offer to clients who are living with life threatening situations. Family members who are struggling with the challenge of caring for an elderly family member will also benefit greatly from the knowledge of what lies ahead.
IF I WERE ——an administrator of a nursing facility I would educate ALL of my staff in how to provide end of life care, in recognizing the signs of approaching death, and in the dynamics of dying to ensure that they have the tools to provide compassionate, knowledgeable care.
Dying isn't like it is in the movies. People don't know what it is like to die from disease or old age and while everyone is going to do it, most people are not prepared with the knowledge of what will happen and particularly what to do while the dying process is happening.
IF I WERE ——a hired caregiver, I would educate myself in the specialty of end of life care so that I can be a resourceful presence for my patients and families.
IF I WERE ——a hospice worker, I would educate, support, and guide people who can't be fixed (and their families) toward a gentle death.
IF I WERE —— an end of life doula, I would be a consistent presence for those living with a life threatening illness. I would make every effort to be present in the hours to moments before death. I do not want them or their family to be alone.
IF I WERE —— an end of life educator, I would be that voice saying "Pay attention! Everyone needs this knowledge. Let me help you learn before you need it and be there when you do need it. Let me comfort you with knowledge, gentleness, and a presence as you travel this very normal part of life.”
Something More about... IF I WERE -- a funeral home, a hospice worker, an attorney, a physician, a social worker, a nursing facility...
As an end of life educator, I say, "Pay Attention!". I have resources to help you learn, to comfort you and help you understand the normal, natural way the body dies. Knowledge reduces fear. Let me help you. Here are some tools to help educate:
A must for educating staff (and meets medicare credentials) - THIS IS HOW PEOPLE DIE
A must for families with a dying loved one - GONE FROM MY SIGHT, The Eleventh Hour, NEW RULES for End of Life Care
Bereavement-- My Friend, I Care: The Grief Experience
10 comments
Lolita Silicani
If I were… Loved this posting.
After reading almost all of your books, I was left wondering WHY are we not exposed to these wonderful books BEFORE it’s too late.
Had one/any of those professional areas you mentioned made me aware of all the reading material you provide, I could have been better prepared for the end of my Mom’s life.
It’s like it snuck up on me. The signs were there when I look back and after reading your books.
I feel like I could have spent more quality time with my Mom, had I known her end was much closer than what everyone thought.
We went from hearing that hospice would be brought in the following Wed., heard this on a Friday.
Then that Sunday morning, she started leaving us, I called Hospice, told them they needed to be there sooner. They arrived at 4pm, my Mom died at 12:55pm that same night. :(
Was glad we (2 out of 4 kids and spouses) were there with her, other 2, too far to travel. As you mentioned, we spoke to her, eventhough her eyes were closed and her breathing was labored.
The nurses thought she might have a couple of more days left. We finally left and were going to come back in the morning. Takes me 20 mins to get home. No sooner did I walk in the door, it was hospice telling me her end was closer. Started to head back and the phone rang again, she was gone. :(
We were all feeling bad for leaving and not staying and waiting. But the nice hospice nurse made us aware of something. She asked if Mom was a private, reserved person, I said yes, very.
She explained often times people like that want to go alone. So they wait when everyone is gone and then they leave. That was very comforting.
I was kind of glad she did go while we were gone, for two reasons. One, we didn’t have a memory of her taking her last breath. Two, my other two siblings didn’t feel as bad for not being there, because in the very end, no one was there with her. She went peacefully, the best way to go!
I like to believe she’s now with my eldest brother who died at the age of 59. I also believe, when he died, a piece of her went with him. In fact, it was the beginning of her end. First a stroke, then Dementia, she was at stage 7 Dementia in the end.
She had her stroke in 2011 and we (my sister and I and one extra caregiver) helped take care of her. Then in 2022 we were forced to place her in long term care facility because she needed 24/7 care. Another source of guilt for us, but we reminded ourselves it was best for her own safety and care.
We were so lucky, she knew us until the day before she left us, this last July, and she lived to the age of 92. We miss her terribly, but hope to see her and my brother again, someday.
Barbara, I can’t begin to tell you how much your books have meant to me. I have passed them around my family members, in hopes to bring them comfort as well.
I have a close friend, I bought a set of books for her and had them mailed to her house from your company.
Her husband, 90 years old, had COPD and dementia. He went peacefully with Hospice care at hand. One month after my Mom. But I was so happy she had the information at hand, and before his time.
Thank you so much for being there for us. :)
Oh, one last thing, a friend of mine said this to me, and I want to share it with you: (Love it!)
We never get over the loss of a loved one; we just learn how to live without them.
If I were… Loved this posting.
After reading almost all of your books, I was left wondering WHY are we not exposed to these wonderful books BEFORE it’s too late.
Had one/any of those professional areas you mentioned made me aware of all the reading material you provide, I could have been better prepared for the end of my Mom’s life.
It’s like it snuck up on me. The signs were there when I look back and after reading your books.
I feel like I could have spent more quality time with my Mom, had I known her end was much closer than what everyone thought.
We went from hearing that hospice would be brought in the following Wed., heard this on a Friday.
Then that Sunday morning, she started leaving us, I called Hospice, told them they needed to be there sooner. They arrived at 4pm, my Mom died at 12:55pm that same night. :(
Was glad we (2 out of 4 kids and spouses) were there with her, other 2, too far to travel. As you mentioned, we spoke to her, eventhough her eyes were closed and her breathing was labored.
The nurses thought she might have a couple of more days left. We finally left and were going to come back in the morning. Takes me 20 mins to get home. No sooner did I walk in the door, it was hospice telling me her end was closer. Started to head back and the phone rang again, she was gone. :(
We were all feeling bad for leaving and not staying and waiting. But the nice hospice nurse made us aware of something. She asked if Mom was a private, reserved person, I said yes, very.
She explained often times people like that want to go alone. So they wait when everyone is gone and then they leave. That was very comforting.
I was kind of glad she did go while we were gone, for two reasons. One, we didn’t have a memory of her taking her last breath. Two, my other two siblings didn’t feel as bad for not being there, because in the very end, no one was there with her. She went peacefully, the best way to go!
I like to believe she’s now with my eldest brother who died at the age of 59. I also believe, when he died, a piece of her went with him. In fact, it was the beginning of her end. First a stroke, then Dementia, she was at stage 7 Dementia in the end.
She had her stroke in 2011 and we (my sister and I and one extra caregiver) helped take care of her. Then in 2022 we were forced to place her in long term care facility because she needed 24/7 care. Another source of guilt for us, but we reminded ourselves it was best for her own safety and care.
We were so lucky, she knew us until the day before she left us, this last July, and she lived to the age of 92. We miss her terribly, but hope to see her and my brother again, someday.
Barbara, I can’t begin to tell you how much your books have meant to me. I have passed them around my family members, in hopes to bring them comfort as well.
I have a close friend, I bought a set of books for her and had them mailed to her house from your company.
Her husband, 90 years old, had COPD and dementia. He went peacefully with Hospice care at hand. One month after my Mom. But I was so happy she had the information at hand, and before his time.
Thank you so much for being there for us. :)
Oh, one last thing, a friend of mine said this to me, and I want to share it with you: (Love it!)
We never get over the loss of a loved one; we just learn how to live without them.
Alicia
My eldest brother is now passing as I type. I am broken. My heart hurts so much. I will forever love you mijo… until we meet again – your loving sister,
Alicia
I will miss you
———
BK Books replied:
Alicia, I am so sorry. Talk with him, tell him how much you love him, even if he is nonresponsive he can hear you. My blessings to you and your family. Barbara
My eldest brother is now passing as I type. I am broken. My heart hurts so much. I will forever love you mijo… until we meet again – your loving sister,
Alicia
I will miss you
———
BK Books replied:
Alicia, I am so sorry. Talk with him, tell him how much you love him, even if he is nonresponsive he can hear you. My blessings to you and your family. Barbara
Melody
Barbara, I love everything you do!!!!! I wish we could all be death positive cheer leaders. You have inspired me to put on my poms poms.
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BK Books replied:
Melody, Go team go! Blessings! Barbara
Barbara, I love everything you do!!!!! I wish we could all be death positive cheer leaders. You have inspired me to put on my poms poms.
———
BK Books replied:
Melody, Go team go! Blessings! Barbara
Dennis james Parker
Barbara I was introduced to your work while employed as a Chaplain in a hospital. I subsequently moved into hospice chaplaincy, and I wouldn’t dream of going into a patient without the ability to give them (and their families) a copy of “Gone From My Sight”! Thanks for the valuable insights you have given in hospice care!
———
BK Books replied:
Thank you Dennis for your kind words. Blessings to you in the work you are doing. Barbara
Barbara I was introduced to your work while employed as a Chaplain in a hospital. I subsequently moved into hospice chaplaincy, and I wouldn’t dream of going into a patient without the ability to give them (and their families) a copy of “Gone From My Sight”! Thanks for the valuable insights you have given in hospice care!
———
BK Books replied:
Thank you Dennis for your kind words. Blessings to you in the work you are doing. Barbara
Patty Pfeifer
I so enjoy informing those ppl about your books when they need of assistance with the dying process. I lost my best friend of 4 decades to ALS in March. She was diagnosed in November 2021. I thought she had at least a year before her death. Unfortunately she did not have that time. I was able to assist her children by providing your books. I was more prepared after using the information myself when mama was in hospice care in 2019. Thank you for all your compassion and years of experience to share with those in need. Many thanks to you.-Patty
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BK Books replied:
Hi Patty, it so helps when you know that what your special person is experiencing is normal, is what people do when they are dying. Even a little bit of knowledge reduces fear. Thank you for sharing. Blessings. Barbara
I so enjoy informing those ppl about your books when they need of assistance with the dying process. I lost my best friend of 4 decades to ALS in March. She was diagnosed in November 2021. I thought she had at least a year before her death. Unfortunately she did not have that time. I was able to assist her children by providing your books. I was more prepared after using the information myself when mama was in hospice care in 2019. Thank you for all your compassion and years of experience to share with those in need. Many thanks to you.-Patty
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BK Books replied:
Hi Patty, it so helps when you know that what your special person is experiencing is normal, is what people do when they are dying. Even a little bit of knowledge reduces fear. Thank you for sharing. Blessings. Barbara
Nikki
This is one of my favorite posts of yours, Barbara, and I love them all! Your words and work inspire me and touch my heart. I wish I had known about you long before I found your work. Thank you for all you have done and all the gifts you have given those of us fortunate enough to know your work. With gratitude and love,
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BK Books replied:
Hi Nikki, thanks for the kind words. I particularly enjoyed writing this blog. Blessings! Barbara
This is one of my favorite posts of yours, Barbara, and I love them all! Your words and work inspire me and touch my heart. I wish I had known about you long before I found your work. Thank you for all you have done and all the gifts you have given those of us fortunate enough to know your work. With gratitude and love,
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BK Books replied:
Hi Nikki, thanks for the kind words. I particularly enjoyed writing this blog. Blessings! Barbara
Glen Davis
This is magnificent work, Barbara. I learned more from you than from anybody else before I wrote my book for fellow carers of people dying from dementia: “Coping with End of Life Issues: The Proven Formula For Successful Care of a Person with Dementia!” This book is now part of nursing degree courses in four continents, a surprise market for me. This shows how widely this information is still in demand.
Thank you for your thoughtful publications and your treasured friendship.
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BK Books replied:
Always good to hear from you Glen. Congrats on the book. Blessings! Barbara
This is magnificent work, Barbara. I learned more from you than from anybody else before I wrote my book for fellow carers of people dying from dementia: “Coping with End of Life Issues: The Proven Formula For Successful Care of a Person with Dementia!” This book is now part of nursing degree courses in four continents, a surprise market for me. This shows how widely this information is still in demand.
Thank you for your thoughtful publications and your treasured friendship.
———
BK Books replied:
Always good to hear from you Glen. Congrats on the book. Blessings! Barbara
Augie
Your writings have helped me greatly in the last few months as my wife passed away. Thank you for helping both of us along on this journey. Now grief, sadness, loneliness, etc. This is so difficult and painful. I miss her so. That’s what love is all about.
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BK Books replied:
Augie, I’m sorry to hear of your wife’s death. You may find my booklet My Friend, I Care comforting. Blessings to you. Barbara
Your writings have helped me greatly in the last few months as my wife passed away. Thank you for helping both of us along on this journey. Now grief, sadness, loneliness, etc. This is so difficult and painful. I miss her so. That’s what love is all about.
———
BK Books replied:
Augie, I’m sorry to hear of your wife’s death. You may find my booklet My Friend, I Care comforting. Blessings to you. Barbara
Tracy Hester
I remember when I first started Hospice I did indeed think people died like in the movies. It didnt take long to learn this was not so. I look forward to your emails and I am still learning everyday.
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BK Books replied:
Hi Tracy, Blessings to you in the work you are doing. Barbara
I remember when I first started Hospice I did indeed think people died like in the movies. It didnt take long to learn this was not so. I look forward to your emails and I am still learning everyday.
———
BK Books replied:
Hi Tracy, Blessings to you in the work you are doing. Barbara
Kristi Burnett
100% AGREED!!!
100% AGREED!!!