Relationships are challenging. We don’t always get from them what we want or need. As death comes, the yearning for what we didn’t get or have with this person increases.
When I was caring for my mother in the months before she died, I realized all the things I wanted from her and never had. I also realized that now it was too late to get them from her or even talk to her about them.
I don’t think I am any different from others in having those thoughts of “I wish I had more” from a specific relationship. So — here is something to think about:
Give what you want. If you want more attention, give more attention to the person you are seeking it from. If you want more affection, be more affectionate. You don’t need to tell the person what you are doing. You don't need to say, "I'm trying to be closer.” Your actions will have more meaning than your words.
Sometimes words and conversation will be meaningless. Dementia, a strained relationship, or years of misunderstanding are just a few things that can contribute to any current relationship. When words and explorative conversation aren’t an option, GIVE. Give the affection, the time, the attention, the patience, the conversation you feel have been lacking. In the months, weeks and even days before death arrives, give what you want or need.
Dying a gradual death gives everyone an opportunity to say goodbye, to address misunderstandings, to show love. Remember the saying, "actions speak louder than words." That certainly applies as end of life approaches.
Something more about… As a Caregiver, If Words Fail, Let Your Actions Speak
When words aren’t possible, giving becomes the language of love.
Barbara’s guidebook By Your Side: A Guide for Caring for the Dying at Home is a compassionate support for family caregivers in the final months, weeks, days, and hours before death. You can get your copy here
