We health workers feel we have to do something. We have to take blood pressure, pulse, temperature, check peeing and pooping, and do assessments.
With approaching death, it isn’t so much doing something as it is just being there.
Emotional support, guidance for caregivers, and listening are our best tools. Addressing humanity is end of life work.
End of life work takes the focus off the disease and increases the attention on the humanity of a person. It focuses on the person that has a disease instead of the disease that the person has. I’m not saying you shouldn't focus on the disease and its treatments. I’m saying focus on the human being that has a disease, and only THEN look at the malady.
This approach would apply to all aspects of health care, not just the dying.
Can we focus less on the computer, giving more attention to facial expressions, sounds of fear, or the appearance of exhaustion? This is where true healing lies.
Healing is not just about the physical body. We are mental and emotional beings that have a physical body. If the physical body is not functioning normally, then neither are the mental or emotional aspects of the person.
We are more than our physical bodies. We are emotional and mental energies. As end of life approaches, the entire being needs support.
Wouldn’t it be helpful if all of the medical models looked at the total person?
Something more about… Caring for the Person, Not Just the Disease
When someone you care for is approaching the end of life, it isn’t about doing more — it’s about being more. I’ve created the Approaching Death Support Kit — a bundle of my essential booklets and resources to help you understand what’s happening and how to bring comfort.
7 comments
M. Jane Markley
Barb, I couldn’t agree more that focusing on the whole person is a critical skill that needs to be encouraged and expected. It is one of the reasons why, when my husband was hospitalized, I made sure to bring in pictures of him and talk to the staff about “the Man” and less about his disease. I also remember the day that I first saw my husband as a little old 81 year old man dying in the bed, rather than my husband. That precipitously shifted my focus back to him and less about his disease. It isn’t easy but it is so important to keep the person at all levels in the forefront of your mind. Thanks for all your great work!!!
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BK Books replied:
Hi M.Jane, I know it can be so easy to focus on the disease (and fixing it) that we forget the person. I like that you brought pictures and shared with the staff—-a reminder there is a person in the bed. Blessings! Barbara
Barb, I couldn’t agree more that focusing on the whole person is a critical skill that needs to be encouraged and expected. It is one of the reasons why, when my husband was hospitalized, I made sure to bring in pictures of him and talk to the staff about “the Man” and less about his disease. I also remember the day that I first saw my husband as a little old 81 year old man dying in the bed, rather than my husband. That precipitously shifted my focus back to him and less about his disease. It isn’t easy but it is so important to keep the person at all levels in the forefront of your mind. Thanks for all your great work!!!
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BK Books replied:
Hi M.Jane, I know it can be so easy to focus on the disease (and fixing it) that we forget the person. I like that you brought pictures and shared with the staff—-a reminder there is a person in the bed. Blessings! Barbara
KarenCZuckerman
What a timely reminder. This whole person approach is what we in healthcare all hope to provide but in the rush of work and the demands of technology, we can easily miss that.
As a daughter of someone progressing in Alzheimer’s, I also appreciate this message. Questioning what constitutes quality of life and what brings my mom joy these days.
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BK Books replied:
Hi Karen, thank you for sharing. Blessings to you, your mom and the work you are doing. Barbara
What a timely reminder. This whole person approach is what we in healthcare all hope to provide but in the rush of work and the demands of technology, we can easily miss that.
As a daughter of someone progressing in Alzheimer’s, I also appreciate this message. Questioning what constitutes quality of life and what brings my mom joy these days.
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BK Books replied:
Hi Karen, thank you for sharing. Blessings to you, your mom and the work you are doing. Barbara
Jeryl
Need some education material in how to deal with elderly men who make unwanted approaches in behavior and conversations. I already have all of Barbara’s pamlets. Thank you.
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BK Books replied:
Augh Jeryl, I’m afraid I can’t help you there but if this is a serious problem for you report it to who ever or what ever agency is appropriate. Blessings! Barbara
Need some education material in how to deal with elderly men who make unwanted approaches in behavior and conversations. I already have all of Barbara’s pamlets. Thank you.
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BK Books replied:
Augh Jeryl, I’m afraid I can’t help you there but if this is a serious problem for you report it to who ever or what ever agency is appropriate. Blessings! Barbara
chaplain vilbert
I always read your blog with much interest and share with my friends…
thank you
chaplain vilbert
India
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BK Books replied:
Hi Chaplain Vilbert, I am pleased you find my blogs helpful. Blessings! Barbara
I always read your blog with much interest and share with my friends…
thank you
chaplain vilbert
India
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BK Books replied:
Hi Chaplain Vilbert, I am pleased you find my blogs helpful. Blessings! Barbara
Nancy Williamson
I love your work and have been using some of it for many many years.
One area you could address that would be wonderful would be finding out in advance, how they would like all aspects of their environment/people in attendance (or not) to be around the time of their upcoming passing. I always suggest that people put their wishes in writing so that there is no debate at the time of their passing.
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BK Books replied:
Nancy, you are so right. We need to put our wants and wishes into an Advanced Directive before we need it. We also need a Durable Medical Power Attorney assigned to someone who knows our wishes. Blessings! Barbara
I love your work and have been using some of it for many many years.
One area you could address that would be wonderful would be finding out in advance, how they would like all aspects of their environment/people in attendance (or not) to be around the time of their upcoming passing. I always suggest that people put their wishes in writing so that there is no debate at the time of their passing.
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BK Books replied:
Nancy, you are so right. We need to put our wants and wishes into an Advanced Directive before we need it. We also need a Durable Medical Power Attorney assigned to someone who knows our wishes. Blessings! Barbara
Jacqueline Johnson
Dear Barbara, thank you for being a comforting presence for all of us who are caregivers, as family, friends, professional medical personell, Stephen Ministers, etc. It is so helpful to be advised on “what to do”. Now I hope we can be a comforting presence for you as you face the anniversary of your great loss.
I will pray for peace for you.
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BK Books replied:
Hi Jacqueline, thank you for your prayers and kind words about my work. Blessings! Barbara
Dear Barbara, thank you for being a comforting presence for all of us who are caregivers, as family, friends, professional medical personell, Stephen Ministers, etc. It is so helpful to be advised on “what to do”. Now I hope we can be a comforting presence for you as you face the anniversary of your great loss.
I will pray for peace for you.
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BK Books replied:
Hi Jacqueline, thank you for your prayers and kind words about my work. Blessings! Barbara
Jorge Astacio
Hello Barbara!
I’m a guy who follow your blog as well at I do have all your book both English n Soanusb
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BK Books replied:
Hi Jorge, I’m pleased my booklets are helpful for you. Blessings! Barbara
Hello Barbara!
I’m a guy who follow your blog as well at I do have all your book both English n Soanusb
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BK Books replied:
Hi Jorge, I’m pleased my booklets are helpful for you. Blessings! Barbara