February 13 2018
Written By
Barbara Karnes
Back To Blog

The Nursing Home Blues

The Nursing Home Blues


Barbara Karnes - February 23 2018

Hi Terry, You are so right about the challenges of finding appropriate care for many of our "not so incapacitated "citizens (because you are living it). Think I’ll put our whole exchange in its own blog. Maybe Nursing Home Blues -2. Blessings! Barbara

terry camper - February 23 2018

Nursing Home Blues touched a nerve, so I reached out to you.  This is an area that is in such need of review and transparency…having been exposed to almost every type of living arrangement for my mother, from Assisted Living, to locked Memory Care, living at home with caretakers, and then a series of what is termed ‘health and rehab’ facilities, I have found there is such a disparity between what is advertised, and what is real.  And finding a ‘nursing home’ that consistently cares is impossible, I have decided.  I used the spend down method of getting my mom into Medicaid coverage, but we were careful about visiting and asking questions all along the way.  Even the best proved to be less than supportive toward dementia patients, and seemed to have a profile that all were expected to fit into, otherwise they were labelled ‘combative’ and proved difficult, if not impossible, to place.  Someone who was not wheelchair or bed-bound, as my mother was not, was deemed to be ‘too much trouble’ because of the need for more contact and interaction. 
I understand burn out, and having bad days, but kindness and caring are in low esteem by facilities, especially when watching the bottom line.  Fortunately, I suppose, my mother is now bed-bound and we were able to get Hospice to help out, so she now fits the bill for a ‘model patient’… but it still seems one nurse can wreck her entire day with a bad attitude at changing time or bath time.  And family (which is me) must try to piece back together a mindset that keeps her contented and unafraid. this is a sad time of life.  And I do have the Nursing Home Blues, quite regularly. 

Barbara Karnes - February 15 2018

Hi Terry, trying to figure out dementia and how to enhance someone’s quality of living is such a challenge. I guess because we don’t understand the reality a person is living in. Hard to please when there are no set directions. I think you are doing an amazing job of interacting with your mom. You are so observant in what pleases her and allows her to interact. Have you contacted the Alzheimer’s Association They are a great source of support, guidance and knowledge.
My blessings are with you during this challenging time. Barbara

Ginny Robinson - February 15 2018

Great response, Barbara!!
Went through this with my Mom….she only had to be at a nursing home because of blindness! One thing I did was to visit her for 3-4 days almost every month (I lived 700 miles away from her), and take her to a hotel for the weekend so she could get out of the setting. Also, called her every evening! This helped a great deal in the adjustment. But, I know she told me many times she did not want to live and did not know why she was. I would explore all the reasons she was living with her….and, it would help immensely. It was probably only about the last month before she died that I was not able to convince her that she still had a lot to live for. At that visit, we discussed what happens with dying and funeral plans, etc. Thank you Barbara for guidance I received at one of your seminars, to help discuss death with her!!

Dwight L Dulsky - February 15 2018

Great advice!
As a hospice volunteer, I am in a lot of local nursing facilities in my area. I see a lot of variation in “life enrichment” activities Those coordinators, their enthusiasm and how they interact with residents can make a huge difference in the quality of nursing home life. Granted the ultimate choice of the resident to op in to these opportunities lies with them. It is difficult to find programming that fits all, but some of the best know the needs of the individual residents and try to meet that as best they can.

Terry Camper - February 15 2018

" If she has dementia that is a whole different approach. " My mother is in a nursing home, has dementia, was almost at death’s door, so Hospice came in, and now she has recovered, but is still bed bound. I have so many questions and concerns, and Hospice seems to think she is fine as she is, because she has dementia, she is just on the ‘waiting list’…so to speak. I don’t know what activities to offer her, since she cannot really do much; cannot read, cannot focus on anything. She watches tv and we chat about what is happening as I feed her. My caregiver that gives me a rest lets her feed herself, but I feed her when I am there…it is what we do. Mom always wanted to be pampered and she is getting it now, and her behavior is so good. However, when I am not there, she has nothing to occupy her time, and often pulls her covers off, tosses them to the floor, and will shred the pages from any magazines I leave for her (she does that when she is stressed or aggitated). So, I suppose I am asking for ideas of how to occupy the mind of a dementia patient, other than tv…?

Leave a comment

Comments have to be approved before showing up