Why “Not Now” Is Still a Decision

When it comes to death and dying and preparing Advanced Directives, most of us are ostriches, our heads in the sand, stuck in a "not me or anyone close to me" kind of denial. There is a “not now, I don’t want to talk about it” mentality. Is it a fear that exploring the possibilities of our own death will bring us closer to death? I don’t know BUT I do know we are a death-denying society. It might feel like other people die but not anyone close to us — until it does — then we are so unprepared.

In being unprepared, our finances and day to day issues are unaddressed. Our medical and quality of living "wants and don’t wants" are unaddressed. All these important decisions are now placed on family and significant others. This is a heavy burden for them as they are faced with making life and death decisions for YOU.

This is why we all need to have advance directives (living wills) that explains our finances, our health, and eventual end of life options. How we want to live if we can’t manage ourselves? How do we want the ending of our life to look and feel?

If you don’t have these wishes written, explained, and given to your family, and your physicians, then you will die not in the way you choose, but in the way the medical profession chooses. And that is doing EVERYTHING medically possible to keep you alive.

Advance Directive, no code and DNR — these documents can say for you, "when my heart stops, don't try to restart it."

The object of a full code — the opposite of a no code — is not to address what your life will be if they succeed in getting your heart beating. The object is to get your heart beating, even if the reason why you stopped breathing and your heart stopped beating is not fixable. After a full code resuscitation, the body will likely still not be fixable and you will still die — only your quality of life while you are breathing will be severely affected.

This all sounds harsh and scary but needs to be understood by all of us. A question of “do you have an advance directive” needs to not stop with yes or no, but needs to continue with an explanation of why you made the choices you have.

There are definitely situations when full-coding a person is the right medical action to take. Bodies that are fixable, that have a chance of living beyond just breathing, should be given the opportunity to be “fixed”. My question is why do we try to restart someone's heart that can’t be fixed, that death will be the outcome soon, no matter the interventions?

This is controversial and a lot of people may disagree with my opinion. I don’t have an answer, just an opinion. I’m just giving you something to think about.

Something more…

I encourage everyone to prepare now so your loved ones don't have to. Clearly express your wishes before a crisis. Give your family clarity and peace of mind. Do you have the End of Life Guideline Series.