Pets: dogs, cats, birds, horses, goats, hamsters, snakes, lizards, fish. I could go on and probably not cover all of the creatures that make it into our hearts and lives. For these we will grieve. Our grief will match the intensity of our connection to the animal. (I’m going to use the word animal but I am referring to all the creatures that enter our lives and take up residence in our hearts.)
For some of us, our pets are our children. For some, they are our working companions. And for others, they are service animals or emotional support.
Our grief for those that get into our lives and hearts will have the intensity of the relationship they hold in our life. We don’t grieve differently because it is for an animal. I have often heard “Why is she so upset? It is just a dog.” For some, yes it is just a dog. But for others our pets are a big — very big — part of our lives.
We relate to stories of children grieving the death of a pet. We adults understand that. They are children. They don’t understand death and never coming back. BUT as adults we know life. We understand it’s “just” an animal so why are we crying, feeling lost and upset?
Grief is an emotional response to a loss. Loss of a person, yes, but there are many kinds of losses: loss of a job, of a relationship, a friendship and yes, loss of a pet. SO many kinds of losses and we will grieve all of them in the same way we grieve a physical death.
We grieve from our emotions not our minds. We grieve in the way we handle other stressors in our life — tears, anger, or avoidance to name a few.
Grief is about our connection to that which we have lost. As my Baxter cat sits beside me at the computer right now, supervising this blog, I know I will grieve as deeply for him as I would many people.
Something More… about For all the creatures who take up residence in our hearts…
Sometimes we are faced with the approaching death of a pet. We carry an extra burden in that we can choose a more timely, less difficult death for our pet---but the agony of making that decision…! My booklet, A Place In My Heart: When Our Pets Die offers direction and support during the difficult and seldom understood time of a dying pet.
7 comments
cheryl
The insensitive comments on here are disheartening. People are complicated and different and that is beautiful. We do not all have to agree or have the same experiences and view points.
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BK Books replied:
Thank you Cheryl. Blessings! Barbara
The insensitive comments on here are disheartening. People are complicated and different and that is beautiful. We do not all have to agree or have the same experiences and view points.
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BK Books replied:
Thank you Cheryl. Blessings! Barbara
Meg
Anyone who views a pet as a child thinks too much of pets and too little of children.
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BK Books replied:
Meg, thank you for sharing your opinion. Blessings! Barbara
Anyone who views a pet as a child thinks too much of pets and too little of children.
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BK Books replied:
Meg, thank you for sharing your opinion. Blessings! Barbara
J.
Don Manning . . . Please tell me where you live so I can move further away. Thx.
Don Manning . . . Please tell me where you live so I can move further away. Thx.
Don Manning
To those who view pets as children, you need to reconsider that belief. What a way to dismiss 5,000+ years of civilization. Did pets build Stonehenge? Did pets invent the printing press? Did dogs and cats create cities, poetry, art, or culture of any kind? Well children who became adults DID.
I also disagree that the grief over losing a job, a friendship, a pet, or a marriage is the same process as grieving a person’s death. Jobs can be replaced. You can get remarried. Buy another pet. But an individual person is irreplaceable. Priceless. The loss is enormous and incomparable. Holding a funeral for a broken antique vase (or a pet) is absurd. So is mourning these possessions as if they were as important as a deceased person.
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BK Books replied:
I see what you are writing and know there are many who think as you do. There are also many people that will identify with my point of view. Blessings! Barbara
To those who view pets as children, you need to reconsider that belief. What a way to dismiss 5,000+ years of civilization. Did pets build Stonehenge? Did pets invent the printing press? Did dogs and cats create cities, poetry, art, or culture of any kind? Well children who became adults DID.
I also disagree that the grief over losing a job, a friendship, a pet, or a marriage is the same process as grieving a person’s death. Jobs can be replaced. You can get remarried. Buy another pet. But an individual person is irreplaceable. Priceless. The loss is enormous and incomparable. Holding a funeral for a broken antique vase (or a pet) is absurd. So is mourning these possessions as if they were as important as a deceased person.
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BK Books replied:
I see what you are writing and know there are many who think as you do. There are also many people that will identify with my point of view. Blessings! Barbara
kg
Thank you for this.
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BK Books replied:
You are welcome. Blessings! Barbara
Thank you for this.
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BK Books replied:
You are welcome. Blessings! Barbara
Ilyssa Silfen
Very well said, Barbara. I am very much one of those people who think of my cats as family members – my parents’ cats were my “siblings,” and when I adopt my kitty this coming Saturday, he will be my “baby.” I still mourn, from time to time, cats of ours that died over a decade ago. And I will absolutely mourn my boy when his time comes (hopefully a loooong time from now). I wish more people understood grieving the loss of a pet, or at the very least respected it enough not to make snide and insensitive remarks – I’m pushing to make that a reality! :)
Very well said, Barbara. I am very much one of those people who think of my cats as family members – my parents’ cats were my “siblings,” and when I adopt my kitty this coming Saturday, he will be my “baby.” I still mourn, from time to time, cats of ours that died over a decade ago. And I will absolutely mourn my boy when his time comes (hopefully a loooong time from now). I wish more people understood grieving the loss of a pet, or at the very least respected it enough not to make snide and insensitive remarks – I’m pushing to make that a reality! :)
kathy
I worked in hospice for quite a number of years and now I am a behavioral health therapist. your book “Gone from My Sight” is moving…soul-stirring. I’m so grateful for the many ways it has informed me and provided a resource to my patients to begin otherwise difficult conversations. I see that you have written something about the deep connection we have to pets in our lives…often more deeply connected than to humans. Your insightful writings are cherished and appreciated.
I worked in hospice for quite a number of years and now I am a behavioral health therapist. your book “Gone from My Sight” is moving…soul-stirring. I’m so grateful for the many ways it has informed me and provided a resource to my patients to begin otherwise difficult conversations. I see that you have written something about the deep connection we have to pets in our lives…often more deeply connected than to humans. Your insightful writings are cherished and appreciated.