Dear Barbara, as a hospice admission representative, what do I say to families who say they are “not ready” for hospice — even when they clearly are?
There is an old saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink." I think that applies here. Our job is to explain hospice benefits and requirements, to explain that dying has a process, and that hospice can help during this challenging time.
Part of "selling" hospice is to create trust and a bond during that first meeting. It takes people skills in addition to knowledge of hospice benefits.
Bottom line is: provide the best, do the best education of hospice, its services, and a bit of what to expect as end of life approaches. You want them to know how hospice can support, guide, and be of service during that time.
BUT there will be times when all the above is done and the person or family choose not to come on service. Then — they won't come on service. You tell them that if they change their mind, you would welcome a phone call and you will begin services.
I don’t mean to plug my booklets (well, yes, I do) but leave with them Gone From My Sight. It will give them guidance. Probably, when they see their special person in the pages, they will indeed call for hospice to begin.
Remember when people call for a hospice referral, they generally needed its services weeks before they got the courage to call. When people are referred to hospice by an outsider, such as a physician or palliative care team, they are generally not ready to hear or see that the end of life is indeed approaching. Patience, understanding, and education — all with gentleness — are the tools we bring to a hospice information visit.
Something more… about When Families Resist Calling In Hospice
Caring for a dying loved one in the last few months of their life is overwhelming to say the least. Juggling bathing, physical care, medications, meals not to mention everyday life needs is exhausting. I wrote a guide for caregivers to help educate, organize and support those who are caring for a special person at end of life called BY YOUR SIDE: A Guide for Caring for the Dying at Home. If you or someone you know needs this resource, you can get it here: GUIDE
4 comments
Jul johuuonu
Excellent information
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BK Books replied:
Thank you. Barbara
Excellent information
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BK Books replied:
Thank you. Barbara
Scaarlette Mclean
All your booklets are/have been most helpful to me over the years. I was introduced to them by my cousin when his dad, my uncle, was in hospice in the early 2000s. Forward to the past couple years, they provided the much needed knowledge and support when my beloved husband entered his last years of fighting metastasized prostate cancer. During his final months of home hospice care, excellent care was provided by the hospice nurses and aids. Having your book, “The Final Act of Living” was a most appreciated and comforting resource. Blessings to you.
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BK Books replied:
Hi Scaarlette, thank you for sharing how helpful my materials have been for you throughout the years. Blessings! Barbara
All your booklets are/have been most helpful to me over the years. I was introduced to them by my cousin when his dad, my uncle, was in hospice in the early 2000s. Forward to the past couple years, they provided the much needed knowledge and support when my beloved husband entered his last years of fighting metastasized prostate cancer. During his final months of home hospice care, excellent care was provided by the hospice nurses and aids. Having your book, “The Final Act of Living” was a most appreciated and comforting resource. Blessings to you.
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BK Books replied:
Hi Scaarlette, thank you for sharing how helpful my materials have been for you throughout the years. Blessings! Barbara
Denise Johnston-Burris
Barbara,
As always, your blogs are inspiring as well as your books. Thank you for making our jobs easier, as well as the journey for the patients and their loved ones.
Best Always,
Denise
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BK Books replied:
Hi Denise, thanks. Blessings to you in the work you are doing. Barbara
Barbara,
As always, your blogs are inspiring as well as your books. Thank you for making our jobs easier, as well as the journey for the patients and their loved ones.
Best Always,
Denise
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BK Books replied:
Hi Denise, thanks. Blessings to you in the work you are doing. Barbara
Denis Imazeki
Barbara,
I read your pamphlets when my wife was in hospice, and I have been reading your emails, but I’m not sure that it is helping me move forward. Everytime I read one of your emails, I go back to when my wife was going through hospice, and it just makes me miss her so much, and it’s been 4 + years since she has been gone. I think it would be better for me if I stopped reading your emails about what people are going through when their loved one is terminal. Thank you for writing those booklets. They helped prepare me some on what to expect as my wife went through her last days.
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BK Books replied:
Denis, you may be right about not reading more materials about end of life. Grief is like a wound. It eventually heals over but the scar remains and when touched awakens the feeling of the wound. That is what is happening when you read my materials. Your “wound” is still very tender. Have you read my booklet on grief, My Friend, I Care? It may be helpful. Blessings to you. Barbara
Barbara,
I read your pamphlets when my wife was in hospice, and I have been reading your emails, but I’m not sure that it is helping me move forward. Everytime I read one of your emails, I go back to when my wife was going through hospice, and it just makes me miss her so much, and it’s been 4 + years since she has been gone. I think it would be better for me if I stopped reading your emails about what people are going through when their loved one is terminal. Thank you for writing those booklets. They helped prepare me some on what to expect as my wife went through her last days.
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BK Books replied:
Denis, you may be right about not reading more materials about end of life. Grief is like a wound. It eventually heals over but the scar remains and when touched awakens the feeling of the wound. That is what is happening when you read my materials. Your “wound” is still very tender. Have you read my booklet on grief, My Friend, I Care? It may be helpful. Blessings to you. Barbara