Dear Barbara, I have a man that regrets giving his father morphine for pain at the end. His father had cancer all over. What would you say to him to make him understand that he did not kill his father? After his father passed a family member made a comment that he gave morphine until his father died.
The use of Morphine is one of the most misunderstood practices I encounter with families and end of life issues. Our society is so drug conscious we tend to equate any use as misuse.
First, let’s understand end of life pain. Dying is not painful, disease causes pain. If pain has not been an issue in the person’s disease history then just because death is approaching does not mean the person is in pain. We do not need to use a narcotic for comfort. Ibuprofen is my drug of choice.
If pain has been an issue during the disease process then we certainly want to continue to provide adequate pain management until the last breath is taken. Just because a person is non-responsive (which most people are before death) does not mean that pain is not there. We also need to know that whatever was causing the pain is not removed by the narcotic. The narcotic just covers up the pain. We must keep the cover on. In end of life pain management we also need to know that the use of narcotics over time tends to require increasing the amount of the narcotic.
I am trying to put a lot of detailed information into a few words, but end of life pain management is really an all day or more workshop.
Now let’s address the major concern---hastening death with the administration of morphine (or any narcotic). When a person is days to hours before death their body is shutting down. Nothing works right. Circulation, the blood flowing through the body, is slower and less effective (this is what the bluish color to the hands and feet show. When you give any medication at that time it does not get absorbed and become effective in the same way it would in a body that’s functioning normally. This is why giving pain medicine to someone who is actively dying is rarely the cause of death.
This father had “cancer all over”. I believe that means he had the potential for pain, lots of pain, in his disease progression. Morphine given continually is a must to keep this man relaxed and relatively comfortable. The morphine did not kill him, it allowed him to leave this world more gently than if he were suffering physically.
Now let's explore a controversial thought. What if the morphine had killed his father? He had a terminal illness. In fact his father was actually in the dying process. There was no reversing what was physically happening. Death was coming. What if hours of life (a few hours) could be extended by withholding the pain medicine? The result would be physical pain causing agitation and extreme discomfort even though the body is non-responsive. By continuing to give the morphine the last hours could be relaxed and relatively comfortable. Either way the person, as death approaches, is non-responsive. The misconception is that by withholding the narcotic the person would be alert and interactive. That is not the case. Either way the person will be non-responsive. It is just that in one scenario the person is hurting and the other they are not. What would you want?
Something more about Does Morphine Hasten Death?...
There are so many questions and concerns about narcotics. In my booklet, Pain At End of Life, I address the issue of narcotics and how they are used in end of life care. My film NEW RULES for End of Life Care will also help educate families (and staff) on the use of narcotics with the dying.
55 comments
Stephanie
Thank you for such a a concise explanation. I gave my parents pain meds during hospice..they were in pain and needed relief. Sometimes we doubt ourselves, but helping someone feel better is important..and it helps to be reminded of it.
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BK Books replied:
I’m glad I was able to put your mind at ease. Narcotics given correctly bring comfort. Blessings! Barbara
Thank you for such a a concise explanation. I gave my parents pain meds during hospice..they were in pain and needed relief. Sometimes we doubt ourselves, but helping someone feel better is important..and it helps to be reminded of it.
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BK Books replied:
I’m glad I was able to put your mind at ease. Narcotics given correctly bring comfort. Blessings! Barbara
Tanya
I have 2 experiences this year and both confused me. My grandmothers husband was fighting cancer at home after he was given 2 months to live , he refused morphine besides the patch and then the pain was awful and he was moaning with each breath for days while not eating for 5 days at a time due to not wanting to feel sick then as a nurse turned up to give him anti sickness she heard him say he wanted to die and so she gave him anti sickness and morphine injection and as she left the house he was vomiting and unable to cough as if the morphine somehow stopped him having the strength to cough! Did morphine relax him too much to cough up the
Vomit ?
A month later my father in law was taken into hospital where his cancer had caused internal bleeding and they said there was nothing they can do and that his blood pressure and body temp will keep dropping until he died. He was talking and normal until they started pumping him with morphine and he went into a coma type state but he was breathing so hard and snoring and twitching and looked like the morphine had caused him to breath with so much effort and then all of a sudden he opened his eyes looked around the room cried and then took his last breath. Did the morphine cause the breathing to be difficult ? Did the morphine cause a heart attack Or will blood pressure dropping cause the awful breathing and snoring ? Just felt like they gave up on him and gave him morphine to end his life ! Cause
Of death was spontaneous gastrointestinal haemorrhage which was caused from metastatic renal cell carcinoma
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BK Books replied:
Hi Tanya, I am so sorry for these experiences—for you and your family, your grandmother’s husband and your father in law. Neither of them, from what you say, seemed properly handled. I am shocked the nurse, was it a hospice nurse, left? From what you described the morphine did not have enough time to get into his blood stream and have any effect. He would have choked with or without the morphine. With your father-in-law’s death from what you described (dropping blood pressure, unusual sounds, facial expressions) he was doing what people do as they are dying not because morphine was causing them. He would have died with or without the morphine. Hospitals don’t tend to just “give up” on people. Hospitals are trying to keep people alive. My blessings to you and your family. Barbara
I have 2 experiences this year and both confused me. My grandmothers husband was fighting cancer at home after he was given 2 months to live , he refused morphine besides the patch and then the pain was awful and he was moaning with each breath for days while not eating for 5 days at a time due to not wanting to feel sick then as a nurse turned up to give him anti sickness she heard him say he wanted to die and so she gave him anti sickness and morphine injection and as she left the house he was vomiting and unable to cough as if the morphine somehow stopped him having the strength to cough! Did morphine relax him too much to cough up the
Vomit ?
A month later my father in law was taken into hospital where his cancer had caused internal bleeding and they said there was nothing they can do and that his blood pressure and body temp will keep dropping until he died. He was talking and normal until they started pumping him with morphine and he went into a coma type state but he was breathing so hard and snoring and twitching and looked like the morphine had caused him to breath with so much effort and then all of a sudden he opened his eyes looked around the room cried and then took his last breath. Did the morphine cause the breathing to be difficult ? Did the morphine cause a heart attack Or will blood pressure dropping cause the awful breathing and snoring ? Just felt like they gave up on him and gave him morphine to end his life ! Cause
Of death was spontaneous gastrointestinal haemorrhage which was caused from metastatic renal cell carcinoma
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BK Books replied:
Hi Tanya, I am so sorry for these experiences—for you and your family, your grandmother’s husband and your father in law. Neither of them, from what you say, seemed properly handled. I am shocked the nurse, was it a hospice nurse, left? From what you described the morphine did not have enough time to get into his blood stream and have any effect. He would have choked with or without the morphine. With your father-in-law’s death from what you described (dropping blood pressure, unusual sounds, facial expressions) he was doing what people do as they are dying not because morphine was causing them. He would have died with or without the morphine. Hospitals don’t tend to just “give up” on people. Hospitals are trying to keep people alive. My blessings to you and your family. Barbara
Osa Bernecker
My dad didn’t get enough of pain medication at the end and he was on hospice. He was in pain continuously. Wish he had been on a morphine drip.
My dad didn’t get enough of pain medication at the end and he was on hospice. He was in pain continuously. Wish he had been on a morphine drip.
barbara
Dear GK, about your blog comment question of did the Valium given cause death? I don’t have enough medical history to know if your father’s death was the result of stopping his medications and/or taking Valium. What I can say is when I deem a person weeks from death I stop all medications except pain meds. When death is eminent why prolong the labor of dying. When restlessness and agitation is severe enough to put the person in danger of hurting themselves then Valium is very appropriate. It doesn’t hasten death but keeps the person out of harms way of falling out of bed, or otherwise hurting themselves. When we enter the dying process, months before death, our personality doesn’t change, it intensifies. If we were controlling and irritable in living then as we approach death we will be more controlling, more angry, more irritable. Those changes have nothing to do with us, the family.Hindsight, looking back over what we might have done, gets us nowhere. How well we live our life now is the job of us the living. Remember no one sets out to do a bad job. We always to the best we can with what we have to work with in the moment. My blessings are with you. Barbara
Dear GK, about your blog comment question of did the Valium given cause death? I don’t have enough medical history to know if your father’s death was the result of stopping his medications and/or taking Valium. What I can say is when I deem a person weeks from death I stop all medications except pain meds. When death is eminent why prolong the labor of dying. When restlessness and agitation is severe enough to put the person in danger of hurting themselves then Valium is very appropriate. It doesn’t hasten death but keeps the person out of harms way of falling out of bed, or otherwise hurting themselves. When we enter the dying process, months before death, our personality doesn’t change, it intensifies. If we were controlling and irritable in living then as we approach death we will be more controlling, more angry, more irritable. Those changes have nothing to do with us, the family.Hindsight, looking back over what we might have done, gets us nowhere. How well we live our life now is the job of us the living. Remember no one sets out to do a bad job. We always to the best we can with what we have to work with in the moment. My blessings are with you. Barbara
barbara
Dear Trudy, I have read your comment on my blog about morphine killing. Your description of your husband’s last hours are certainly disturbing. I don’t know your husband’s medical history to have an opinion of why or what was occurring. What I do know is 26 years is too long to carry the guilt. We always do the best we can in any given situation. None of us set out to make mistakes or do a bad job.I want you to sit down and write your husband a letter. Writing is important, don’t just think, write, what is in your heart. Write what you have carried all these years, the guilt, the sadness, the fear you felt, the lack of knowledge you had, the helplessness you felt. Write what you wish you had done, what you would do if you had a “do over”. Let all the tears, the anger, all the feelings and thoughts you have carried all these years out and down on paper. Then burn the letter, go outside and throw the ashes to the wind. Watch the ashes fly away and with the ashes all the thoughts and anguish you have carried for so long.It is time you live in the present. It is time you let how well you live your life be the gift you give your husband. Blessings! Barbara
Dear Trudy, I have read your comment on my blog about morphine killing. Your description of your husband’s last hours are certainly disturbing. I don’t know your husband’s medical history to have an opinion of why or what was occurring. What I do know is 26 years is too long to carry the guilt. We always do the best we can in any given situation. None of us set out to make mistakes or do a bad job.I want you to sit down and write your husband a letter. Writing is important, don’t just think, write, what is in your heart. Write what you have carried all these years, the guilt, the sadness, the fear you felt, the lack of knowledge you had, the helplessness you felt. Write what you wish you had done, what you would do if you had a “do over”. Let all the tears, the anger, all the feelings and thoughts you have carried all these years out and down on paper. Then burn the letter, go outside and throw the ashes to the wind. Watch the ashes fly away and with the ashes all the thoughts and anguish you have carried for so long.It is time you live in the present. It is time you let how well you live your life be the gift you give your husband. Blessings! Barbara
barbara
Mary, I am so sorry to hear of your horrible hospice experience. I hope you spoke to the hospice administrator explaining your beliefs. You can also report the hospice to medicare. Taking action will not change what has happened but it may prevent someone else having the same experience. My blessings are with you and your daughter. Barbara
Mary, I am so sorry to hear of your horrible hospice experience. I hope you spoke to the hospice administrator explaining your beliefs. You can also report the hospice to medicare. Taking action will not change what has happened but it may prevent someone else having the same experience. My blessings are with you and your daughter. Barbara
Mary Brady
I am not a perponent of morphine, I personally have seen it abused by hospice three out of three times, I have witnessed a death. They flat out killed the person within a few hours of their arrival. I begged my daughter when her husband was at the end of his life, not to allow hospice into her home. She listened to her doctor, hospice was ordered by her doctor, and her husband was literally killed within 4 hours of hospices arrival. Now with that being said, the unbelievable guilt my daughter feels for the rest of her life, because she was exhausted from caring for a patient with cancer and was to exhausted to think for herself. She allowed her doctor to make that decision for her and her husband. When she recovered from her exhaustion, and began to think for herself, the guilt set in because she realized what had happened. That was three years ago and she has become a recluse, and the guilt of what hospice did eats at her. She blames herself because she did not have the strength to say no to the doctor who ordered it. He told her it would just keep him comfortable.
I am not a perponent of morphine, I personally have seen it abused by hospice three out of three times, I have witnessed a death. They flat out killed the person within a few hours of their arrival. I begged my daughter when her husband was at the end of his life, not to allow hospice into her home. She listened to her doctor, hospice was ordered by her doctor, and her husband was literally killed within 4 hours of hospices arrival. Now with that being said, the unbelievable guilt my daughter feels for the rest of her life, because she was exhausted from caring for a patient with cancer and was to exhausted to think for herself. She allowed her doctor to make that decision for her and her husband. When she recovered from her exhaustion, and began to think for herself, the guilt set in because she realized what had happened. That was three years ago and she has become a recluse, and the guilt of what hospice did eats at her. She blames herself because she did not have the strength to say no to the doctor who ordered it. He told her it would just keep him comfortable.
Trudy
My husband passed 26 years ago. It still haunts me. He was on home hospice. He had slipped into a comatose state briefly. Then he rallied and was alert, communicating, in fact he asked to sit outside to see the sunset. Hospice was with us 24/7 the final 3 days. He was conscious but in terrible pain. He received every form of morphine that existed constantly. I don’t understand. The hospice workers (2) held his shoulders down, while he called out and pushed extra crushed morphine and liquid morphine down his throat. I was there. It appeared he was fighting them, not wanting the extra drugs. He was already on push IV morphine and a patch. This continued for an hour. Until he quit breathing.
I carry that horrific struggle every day. He choked on the drugs. I didn’t tell them to stop.
I feel like I killed him.
My husband passed 26 years ago. It still haunts me. He was on home hospice. He had slipped into a comatose state briefly. Then he rallied and was alert, communicating, in fact he asked to sit outside to see the sunset. Hospice was with us 24/7 the final 3 days. He was conscious but in terrible pain. He received every form of morphine that existed constantly. I don’t understand. The hospice workers (2) held his shoulders down, while he called out and pushed extra crushed morphine and liquid morphine down his throat. I was there. It appeared he was fighting them, not wanting the extra drugs. He was already on push IV morphine and a patch. This continued for an hour. Until he quit breathing.
I carry that horrific struggle every day. He choked on the drugs. I didn’t tell them to stop.
I feel like I killed him.
gk
Well, reading through the comments I see I am not alone in reliving the traumatic last days/months of a loved ones death.
My father was in hospice for 6 months and was often angry, agitated and depressed during that time. There was an unexpected death in our family during his time under hospice care and it broke my already anxious father. My father was always a proud and independent man and was resistant to any help even in his waning years. Looking back, he was much more confused and disorientated during his years than any of us realised. It was difficult to separate his character (strong willed, intelligent) from his illness (senilty) and we pretty much treated him as we’ve always treated him. We gave him space and argued with him without realise he really didn’t remember blocks of time.
In any case, after the unexpected death of another family member he was self medicating while drinking and asked hospice for valium. They gave it because he was obviously in a great deal of grief and pain.
It seems that once valium started, it was almost instantaeneously rapid downhill deterioration of his health. He fell a lot, slept a lot, was confused more until one hard fall in the middle of the night and then bedbound and not really concious for another 10 days. Do you think valium could have contributed to his death? We also stopped all his heart medications at that time, could that have contributed? Rationally I know, does it matter that much if he went slightly earlier if he were suffering so.
Anyway, I’m not being coherent. I guess once I start dwelling it all comes out again.
But thank you for all that you do. And this quote of yours means so much to me, “Family dynamics are very challenging in the best of times. The approaching death of someone we care about (or don’t care about) brings out the best or the worse in these fragile relationships.”
It helps me to understand why my relationship with my father was so fraught right until the end. I bitterly regret the way we related the last two years of his life. He was SO ANGRY at me for moving him into my home and blamed me for his woes. I wish I had been more patient and understanding. I so wanted those last years to be gentle. But they were not.
Well, reading through the comments I see I am not alone in reliving the traumatic last days/months of a loved ones death.
My father was in hospice for 6 months and was often angry, agitated and depressed during that time. There was an unexpected death in our family during his time under hospice care and it broke my already anxious father. My father was always a proud and independent man and was resistant to any help even in his waning years. Looking back, he was much more confused and disorientated during his years than any of us realised. It was difficult to separate his character (strong willed, intelligent) from his illness (senilty) and we pretty much treated him as we’ve always treated him. We gave him space and argued with him without realise he really didn’t remember blocks of time.
In any case, after the unexpected death of another family member he was self medicating while drinking and asked hospice for valium. They gave it because he was obviously in a great deal of grief and pain.
It seems that once valium started, it was almost instantaeneously rapid downhill deterioration of his health. He fell a lot, slept a lot, was confused more until one hard fall in the middle of the night and then bedbound and not really concious for another 10 days. Do you think valium could have contributed to his death? We also stopped all his heart medications at that time, could that have contributed? Rationally I know, does it matter that much if he went slightly earlier if he were suffering so.
Anyway, I’m not being coherent. I guess once I start dwelling it all comes out again.
But thank you for all that you do. And this quote of yours means so much to me, “Family dynamics are very challenging in the best of times. The approaching death of someone we care about (or don’t care about) brings out the best or the worse in these fragile relationships.”
It helps me to understand why my relationship with my father was so fraught right until the end. I bitterly regret the way we related the last two years of his life. He was SO ANGRY at me for moving him into my home and blamed me for his woes. I wish I had been more patient and understanding. I so wanted those last years to be gentle. But they were not.
barbara
Hi Kim, Family dynamics are very challenging in the best of times. The approaching death of someone we care about (or don’t care about) brings out the best or the worse in these fragile relationships. I am sorry your mother had the difficult ending to her life. So often the last year of our old age life is one of medical issues, falls, helplessness, confusion. I also appreciate the frustration you must have felt in being excluded in the decision making regarding her end of life care. The question now is how do you live forward with these feelings? You might write your mother a letter. Put all your thoughts about your life with her and about how her life ended on paper. Let the tears, frustration, sorrow out and down on paper. Write from your heart everything you want to say to her. then burn the letter and scatter the ashes to the wind.
Being an end of life doula is a great goal but I would recommend you wait at least a year. Right now you are too fresh in your grief for your mother. Every interaction with someone who is dying will rub the wound of your own grief. Use this year as a study year. Prepare yourself with end of life knowledge, with communication techniques, maybe one of the end of life doula courses. Blessings! Barbara
Hi Kim, Family dynamics are very challenging in the best of times. The approaching death of someone we care about (or don’t care about) brings out the best or the worse in these fragile relationships. I am sorry your mother had the difficult ending to her life. So often the last year of our old age life is one of medical issues, falls, helplessness, confusion. I also appreciate the frustration you must have felt in being excluded in the decision making regarding her end of life care. The question now is how do you live forward with these feelings? You might write your mother a letter. Put all your thoughts about your life with her and about how her life ended on paper. Let the tears, frustration, sorrow out and down on paper. Write from your heart everything you want to say to her. then burn the letter and scatter the ashes to the wind.
Being an end of life doula is a great goal but I would recommend you wait at least a year. Right now you are too fresh in your grief for your mother. Every interaction with someone who is dying will rub the wound of your own grief. Use this year as a study year. Prepare yourself with end of life knowledge, with communication techniques, maybe one of the end of life doula courses. Blessings! Barbara
Joye Coker
A friend shared your post.My late husband had Lung cancer and Pulmonary fibrosis..To make a long story short he was on liquid morphine and a couple of pills..His last days he was in a coma like state which was a blessing..He was no longer struggling to breath..Before that the morphine seemed to help him deal with this..I might have given him more morphine than needed but Ihave no regrets and hope my family will do the same if I am in that condition
A friend shared your post.My late husband had Lung cancer and Pulmonary fibrosis..To make a long story short he was on liquid morphine and a couple of pills..His last days he was in a coma like state which was a blessing..He was no longer struggling to breath..Before that the morphine seemed to help him deal with this..I might have given him more morphine than needed but Ihave no regrets and hope my family will do the same if I am in that condition
kim
My 93 year old mother passed in a horrible way on June 28, 2018. She fell three times within 6 months of her death due to negligent group home and rehab staff! She had dementia, but not severely. In her last fall- the one that sentenced her to inevitable death- she was unattended in bathroom and fell, hitting her head, knocking out front teeth and cracking her skull. Morphine was given, of course. But several weeks later, when it was clear she was deteriorating, morphine was still on her treatment even though she did not need it. Tylenol worked just fine. So, how do you feel about the fact that she was given morphine and Atavan as she died??!! I objected, but sister had POA. Why do families crack up so often around the death of a family member, especially a parent. It is a sacred time, in my opinion. My mother was robbed of the end of life she asked me for. I still grieve. Family still fractured. Your experience and insight would be much appreciated. I’m a retired clinical social worker thinking about becoming a Death Doula or similar. Thank you for your wonderful info.
My 93 year old mother passed in a horrible way on June 28, 2018. She fell three times within 6 months of her death due to negligent group home and rehab staff! She had dementia, but not severely. In her last fall- the one that sentenced her to inevitable death- she was unattended in bathroom and fell, hitting her head, knocking out front teeth and cracking her skull. Morphine was given, of course. But several weeks later, when it was clear she was deteriorating, morphine was still on her treatment even though she did not need it. Tylenol worked just fine. So, how do you feel about the fact that she was given morphine and Atavan as she died??!! I objected, but sister had POA. Why do families crack up so often around the death of a family member, especially a parent. It is a sacred time, in my opinion. My mother was robbed of the end of life she asked me for. I still grieve. Family still fractured. Your experience and insight would be much appreciated. I’m a retired clinical social worker thinking about becoming a Death Doula or similar. Thank you for your wonderful info.
barbara
Renee, I am so sorry to hear of your experience with hospice and your mother’s death. I do not know all the medical circumstances of your mother’s approaching death however, I can say it should never be the intension of a hospice or any other medical facility to hasten death by any means. I suggest that you talk with the hospice manager or director about your concerns. If you don’t, they will never know about what happened and your dissatisfaction, let alone the anguish you are carrying. A big part of hospice care for the family is telling the family, educating the family, about end of life and more importantly explaining why they are doing what they are doing. I wonder if the nurse had taken the time to explain why she was administering morphine your anguish could have been avoided. My blessings are with you. Barbara
Renee, I am so sorry to hear of your experience with hospice and your mother’s death. I do not know all the medical circumstances of your mother’s approaching death however, I can say it should never be the intension of a hospice or any other medical facility to hasten death by any means. I suggest that you talk with the hospice manager or director about your concerns. If you don’t, they will never know about what happened and your dissatisfaction, let alone the anguish you are carrying. A big part of hospice care for the family is telling the family, educating the family, about end of life and more importantly explaining why they are doing what they are doing. I wonder if the nurse had taken the time to explain why she was administering morphine your anguish could have been avoided. My blessings are with you. Barbara
Barbara
Hi Keef, your morphine history is unusual. I doubt many people could be sustained with that amount for that length of time. You said that amount manages your pain, does it affect your mental capabilities? You said it has affected your body in a negative way. The question that comes to my mind is by reducing the physical pain, even though it affected your physical body negatively, have you been able to have some quality in your living that you otherwise would not have had? If the answer is yes, then isn’t that our goal in medicine (to provide the best quality of living). As I write that statement I realize “quality” doesn’t always enter into the equation even though I want it to. Thank you for sharing your unusual situation. My thoughts for you are that you will find joy, peace of mind and fulfillment while living with your physical challenge. Blessings! Barbara
Hi Keef, your morphine history is unusual. I doubt many people could be sustained with that amount for that length of time. You said that amount manages your pain, does it affect your mental capabilities? You said it has affected your body in a negative way. The question that comes to my mind is by reducing the physical pain, even though it affected your physical body negatively, have you been able to have some quality in your living that you otherwise would not have had? If the answer is yes, then isn’t that our goal in medicine (to provide the best quality of living). As I write that statement I realize “quality” doesn’t always enter into the equation even though I want it to. Thank you for sharing your unusual situation. My thoughts for you are that you will find joy, peace of mind and fulfillment while living with your physical challenge. Blessings! Barbara
Barbara
Hi Lisa, The Final Act of Living is a book with the information I give in workshops and in the DVDs. I did the book for the very reason you are asking. We learn in different ways, hearing or seeing to name just two. I am like you I learn more from reading. I hope you find the book helpful. Blessings! Barbara
Hi Lisa, The Final Act of Living is a book with the information I give in workshops and in the DVDs. I did the book for the very reason you are asking. We learn in different ways, hearing or seeing to name just two. I am like you I learn more from reading. I hope you find the book helpful. Blessings! Barbara
Keef y
I have been on morphine every day for 15 years. At one point I was prescribed over 300mgs to be taken evenly twice every day. The pain clinic consultant was appalled at my GP for exceeding the recommended per day dosage set down by the medical body that controls opiates in the UK. The maximum dosage is a maximum of 200mgs per day. Since then I have reduced down to 120mgs per day, the pain is more noticeable.
I was hospitalised in May 2017 for10 days due to chest pains. I was mortified when a doctor (with NO bedside manner) told me I had non -alcoholic liver cirrhosis, fungal infection in my lungs as well as enlarged lymph glands and a couple more hypertensions
So far, since then ( now we are in March 2019 ) there has been no response to any medication. I believe that long term, taking morphine and other ‘toxic’ medication does without doubt does injure my body.
I have been on morphine every day for 15 years. At one point I was prescribed over 300mgs to be taken evenly twice every day. The pain clinic consultant was appalled at my GP for exceeding the recommended per day dosage set down by the medical body that controls opiates in the UK. The maximum dosage is a maximum of 200mgs per day. Since then I have reduced down to 120mgs per day, the pain is more noticeable.
I was hospitalised in May 2017 for10 days due to chest pains. I was mortified when a doctor (with NO bedside manner) told me I had non -alcoholic liver cirrhosis, fungal infection in my lungs as well as enlarged lymph glands and a couple more hypertensions
So far, since then ( now we are in March 2019 ) there has been no response to any medication. I believe that long term, taking morphine and other ‘toxic’ medication does without doubt does injure my body.
Lisa Covell
Is there any of your books I could read instead of listening to DVD? I’m hard if hearing and I don’t understand words on TV.
Is there any of your books I could read instead of listening to DVD? I’m hard if hearing and I don’t understand words on TV.
Lisa Shimkus
I’m so grateful to have found this site. My 96 year old Dad passed away 5 weeks ago after a 9-month battle with advanced prostate cancer. I was with him while my sister (who he lived with was on vacation). He declined so rapidly that I’m feeling as though something I did caused it. From the day I got there he seemed to get progressively worse each day. He went from walking a few steps to complete bed rest within days. He suddenly stopped eating and by the 7th day he was so agitated and uncomfortable that hospice decided we should increase his morphine dosage. Two days later he was gone. My sister made it home hours before he passed. It all happened so fast that we barely had time to comprehend what was happening, we all thought he had months left. I’m grateful that his suffering ended quickly but I still feel responsiblilty because it happened on my watch. I’m very glad I was there to say goodbye but the grief is overwhelming.
I’m so grateful to have found this site. My 96 year old Dad passed away 5 weeks ago after a 9-month battle with advanced prostate cancer. I was with him while my sister (who he lived with was on vacation). He declined so rapidly that I’m feeling as though something I did caused it. From the day I got there he seemed to get progressively worse each day. He went from walking a few steps to complete bed rest within days. He suddenly stopped eating and by the 7th day he was so agitated and uncomfortable that hospice decided we should increase his morphine dosage. Two days later he was gone. My sister made it home hours before he passed. It all happened so fast that we barely had time to comprehend what was happening, we all thought he had months left. I’m grateful that his suffering ended quickly but I still feel responsiblilty because it happened on my watch. I’m very glad I was there to say goodbye but the grief is overwhelming.
Barbara
Hi Brittany, from your description of your grandmother’s illness her body had entered the dying process. Her body was shutting down, unable to combat the disease that she had lived with for so many years. It sounds like she was given morphine to ease her transition from this world to the next. Not knowing your grandmother’s medical history I cannot say if the morphine was appropriate or not. What I can say is it did not kill her. She was dying whether she had morphine or not and she was dying now, not later. I know that may sound harsh but at the point she was given the morphine her circulation was not able to work in the normal way, plus it was her blood that was not healthy which makes circulation and distribution of the medicine less timely and effective. For your question would she have still been alert if she hadn’t been given the morphine before she died? Dying is not like it is in the movies— we say something important and then take our last breath. In the hours to even days before death a person is generally non responsive (non responsive to their environment). They may be talking, even moving about, but not making sense and movements are aimless. They are not alert as we think of alert. That is how people die and from what you have told me your grandmother died well. Nothing bad or pathological was happening. She died the way people die and she did it well. It is very sad when someone we love dies but from what you have described her death was not bad. It was relatively quick without a great deal of suffering. Having someone we love die is devastating, a loss we have to learn to live with. Let go of how she died, it was not pathological, and savor the time you had with her. We have limited control over the time that we die. Your grandmother died with only you there. That was her gift to you. She choose to have you there to support her as she left. She could have died when you left the room. What trust she had in you. You might write her a letter. Put all of your thoughts and feelings about her and your relationship on paper—the good and the challenging— and then burn the letter and throw the ashes to the wind. My blessings are with you. Barbara
Hi Brittany, from your description of your grandmother’s illness her body had entered the dying process. Her body was shutting down, unable to combat the disease that she had lived with for so many years. It sounds like she was given morphine to ease her transition from this world to the next. Not knowing your grandmother’s medical history I cannot say if the morphine was appropriate or not. What I can say is it did not kill her. She was dying whether she had morphine or not and she was dying now, not later. I know that may sound harsh but at the point she was given the morphine her circulation was not able to work in the normal way, plus it was her blood that was not healthy which makes circulation and distribution of the medicine less timely and effective. For your question would she have still been alert if she hadn’t been given the morphine before she died? Dying is not like it is in the movies— we say something important and then take our last breath. In the hours to even days before death a person is generally non responsive (non responsive to their environment). They may be talking, even moving about, but not making sense and movements are aimless. They are not alert as we think of alert. That is how people die and from what you have told me your grandmother died well. Nothing bad or pathological was happening. She died the way people die and she did it well. It is very sad when someone we love dies but from what you have described her death was not bad. It was relatively quick without a great deal of suffering. Having someone we love die is devastating, a loss we have to learn to live with. Let go of how she died, it was not pathological, and savor the time you had with her. We have limited control over the time that we die. Your grandmother died with only you there. That was her gift to you. She choose to have you there to support her as she left. She could have died when you left the room. What trust she had in you. You might write her a letter. Put all of your thoughts and feelings about her and your relationship on paper—the good and the challenging— and then burn the letter and throw the ashes to the wind. My blessings are with you. Barbara
Brittany
My grandmother had lupus for 20+ yrs. Her platelets and redblood cells got very low and ten blood transfusions and plasmapheris did nothing. They said she had a blood infection and her body was basically killing the red blood cells. In a few weeks she could no longer walk on her own or use her hands. Her final day they gave her morphine and took off her oxygen mask. Before the morphine she was alert and talking to us but after she was completely checked out and then unresponsive. Would she have stayed alert without the morphine? Would she have still be alive? I was the only one in the room with her when she took her last breath and my heart breaks over wether we made the right decision. She passed yesterday morning.
My grandmother had lupus for 20+ yrs. Her platelets and redblood cells got very low and ten blood transfusions and plasmapheris did nothing. They said she had a blood infection and her body was basically killing the red blood cells. In a few weeks she could no longer walk on her own or use her hands. Her final day they gave her morphine and took off her oxygen mask. Before the morphine she was alert and talking to us but after she was completely checked out and then unresponsive. Would she have stayed alert without the morphine? Would she have still be alive? I was the only one in the room with her when she took her last breath and my heart breaks over wether we made the right decision. She passed yesterday morning.
Barbara
Hi Robin, I am so sorry to hear of the experience you had with your father’s last weeks of life. I do not have enough information to comment on your father’s illness, its relationship with morphine, and how it lead to his death. What I can say is when a person is in their 80’s and above, any physical condition and the resulting set backs can lead to death. Non life threatening situations in a 60 or 70 year old can quickly become life threatening and end in death with an 80 or 90 year old. The older the body the less resilience it seems to have in healing. Blessings! Barbara
Hi Robin, I am so sorry to hear of the experience you had with your father’s last weeks of life. I do not have enough information to comment on your father’s illness, its relationship with morphine, and how it lead to his death. What I can say is when a person is in their 80’s and above, any physical condition and the resulting set backs can lead to death. Non life threatening situations in a 60 or 70 year old can quickly become life threatening and end in death with an 80 or 90 year old. The older the body the less resilience it seems to have in healing. Blessings! Barbara
Robin Doak
My dad passed away recently from “end stage” dementia while at my home on hospice. Prior to his hospitalization, he was living at an ALF in memory care, eating a regular diet, no oxygen, high energy, walking at moderate cognitive level on November 6. He was 83.
On the afternoon of November 6, he was taken to the ER for a-fib rvr. From that point on, my dad never walked again or stood without assistance, and demonstrated extrapyramidal effects while in the hospital for 2 1/2 weeks. My dad declined so fast at the hands of the doctors as they never addressed the extrapyramidal effects despite my repeated reports of new symptoms; I was dismissed and ignored. His decline forced me to change him from full code to DNR.
On hospice at my home, he improved, sat up edge of bed, wanted to stand, fed himself at times, and talked to me. He had some difficult nights and the hospice nurse convinced me he was in pain and ordered morphine which he was given in very low doses. He was also provided anti-psychotic medications, and developed a severe UTI with antibiotic ordered.
My dad declined which I thought was from the UTI, knowing that can cause severe confusion. He was unable to swallow within days of receiving the morphine, resulting in no food or water. Due to other meds, I didn’t connect the symptoms to morphine.
My dad had been improving, and I actually saw an opportunity for my dad to graduate from hospice. My dad was gone 31 days after entering the hospital, and after 9 days on morphine. He most likely lived longer due to the minimal dosages I gave him, but I never understood how he declined to being bedridden in a week. I’ve always felt I missed something, and now I know! It wasn’t his time, even hospice was surprised how strong willed and physically fit he was despite his a-fib and dementia. If it weren’t for dementia, he’d lived to be 100 I’m sure.
I miss him terribly, and I regret not reading more on morphine and its effects, as I believe he would still be here!
My dad passed away recently from “end stage” dementia while at my home on hospice. Prior to his hospitalization, he was living at an ALF in memory care, eating a regular diet, no oxygen, high energy, walking at moderate cognitive level on November 6. He was 83.
On the afternoon of November 6, he was taken to the ER for a-fib rvr. From that point on, my dad never walked again or stood without assistance, and demonstrated extrapyramidal effects while in the hospital for 2 1/2 weeks. My dad declined so fast at the hands of the doctors as they never addressed the extrapyramidal effects despite my repeated reports of new symptoms; I was dismissed and ignored. His decline forced me to change him from full code to DNR.
On hospice at my home, he improved, sat up edge of bed, wanted to stand, fed himself at times, and talked to me. He had some difficult nights and the hospice nurse convinced me he was in pain and ordered morphine which he was given in very low doses. He was also provided anti-psychotic medications, and developed a severe UTI with antibiotic ordered.
My dad declined which I thought was from the UTI, knowing that can cause severe confusion. He was unable to swallow within days of receiving the morphine, resulting in no food or water. Due to other meds, I didn’t connect the symptoms to morphine.
My dad had been improving, and I actually saw an opportunity for my dad to graduate from hospice. My dad was gone 31 days after entering the hospital, and after 9 days on morphine. He most likely lived longer due to the minimal dosages I gave him, but I never understood how he declined to being bedridden in a week. I’ve always felt I missed something, and now I know! It wasn’t his time, even hospice was surprised how strong willed and physically fit he was despite his a-fib and dementia. If it weren’t for dementia, he’d lived to be 100 I’m sure.
I miss him terribly, and I regret not reading more on morphine and its effects, as I believe he would still be here!
Barbara
Hi Kim, would you have had more time with your father had you not given him the Morphine and Ativan that hospice had prescribed for him? I don’t know. I don’t have enough medical information to make any kind of assessment. What I can say is your father was on Hospice which tells me his physician believed he had a limited time to live and in prescribing Morphine for air hunger and Ativan for restlessness they were looking to keep him as comfortable as possible during the labor to leave his body. No matter the use of either drug it is not to shorten life but to make it more comfortable—-which is the goal of all hospice workers. “What if I hadn’t given it to him?” He still would have died. Maybe it would have taken him longer (days, weeks) but during that time he would have withdrawn more and more, gone within, slept more. become confused, possibly agitated. We all experience the labor of dying. Some of us can do it more quickly than others. Have you read my booklet Gone From My Sight? It will give you an understanding of the dying process. My guess is you will find your father’s journey in the booklet. You may find some comfort there. My wish for you is to find comfort in the love and relationship you had with your father through out his life. The memory of his last days is a burden you don’t need to carry any longer. Blessings! Barbara
Hi Kim, would you have had more time with your father had you not given him the Morphine and Ativan that hospice had prescribed for him? I don’t know. I don’t have enough medical information to make any kind of assessment. What I can say is your father was on Hospice which tells me his physician believed he had a limited time to live and in prescribing Morphine for air hunger and Ativan for restlessness they were looking to keep him as comfortable as possible during the labor to leave his body. No matter the use of either drug it is not to shorten life but to make it more comfortable—-which is the goal of all hospice workers. “What if I hadn’t given it to him?” He still would have died. Maybe it would have taken him longer (days, weeks) but during that time he would have withdrawn more and more, gone within, slept more. become confused, possibly agitated. We all experience the labor of dying. Some of us can do it more quickly than others. Have you read my booklet Gone From My Sight? It will give you an understanding of the dying process. My guess is you will find your father’s journey in the booklet. You may find some comfort there. My wish for you is to find comfort in the love and relationship you had with your father through out his life. The memory of his last days is a burden you don’t need to carry any longer. Blessings! Barbara
Barbara
Hi Cynthia, from what I gather you are concerned that your sister died quickly after being given Morphine. You were not told that death was near so it was unexpected. Why was she breathing “very fast”? In the hours to minutes before death the body is in “labor”. Nothing works right. Breathing is generally fast and difficult, often with congestion. Then, as death gets even closer, the breath slows down to often 6 or 8 times a minutes. Just think of a little chick working to get out of it’s shell. We work to get out of our bodies. Did the morphine affect the time of her death? No, I do not believe it did. How do I know for sure? Your sister was given the morphine at 8:00 and at 8:05 her breathing slowed and then stopped at 8:09. A person with a normal functioning body, when given medicine by mouth or rectum, must wait 30 to 45 minutes for the medicine to take effect, to get into the blood stream and begin working. When the body is shutting down the circulation of the blood is slowed down (that is why the hands, feet, arms and legs are bluish colored and cold) and will not get the medicine throughout the body in a timely manner. Even if the morphine was given as an injection it did not have time to make her die. She was working to release from her body, probably all day if not several days, and succeeded at 8:09. I am sorry the nurses did not perceive what was occurring and give you the opportunity to say goodbye. Have you read my booklet Gone From My Sight? I think it will give you an understanding of what occurred as your sister was dying. Two years is a long time to carry this concern with you. I hope you have found some understanding in my response and are now able to put this to rest. Hold on to the good memories with your sister, let go of the rest. From what you have told me nothing bad happened that day, sad, very sad that your sister died but nothing pathological or bad happened. Blessings! Barbara
Hi Cynthia, from what I gather you are concerned that your sister died quickly after being given Morphine. You were not told that death was near so it was unexpected. Why was she breathing “very fast”? In the hours to minutes before death the body is in “labor”. Nothing works right. Breathing is generally fast and difficult, often with congestion. Then, as death gets even closer, the breath slows down to often 6 or 8 times a minutes. Just think of a little chick working to get out of it’s shell. We work to get out of our bodies. Did the morphine affect the time of her death? No, I do not believe it did. How do I know for sure? Your sister was given the morphine at 8:00 and at 8:05 her breathing slowed and then stopped at 8:09. A person with a normal functioning body, when given medicine by mouth or rectum, must wait 30 to 45 minutes for the medicine to take effect, to get into the blood stream and begin working. When the body is shutting down the circulation of the blood is slowed down (that is why the hands, feet, arms and legs are bluish colored and cold) and will not get the medicine throughout the body in a timely manner. Even if the morphine was given as an injection it did not have time to make her die. She was working to release from her body, probably all day if not several days, and succeeded at 8:09. I am sorry the nurses did not perceive what was occurring and give you the opportunity to say goodbye. Have you read my booklet Gone From My Sight? I think it will give you an understanding of what occurred as your sister was dying. Two years is a long time to carry this concern with you. I hope you have found some understanding in my response and are now able to put this to rest. Hold on to the good memories with your sister, let go of the rest. From what you have told me nothing bad happened that day, sad, very sad that your sister died but nothing pathological or bad happened. Blessings! Barbara
Barbara
Dear Tilly, This poor gentleman! My concern is that he has dementia and mental health issues so why is the medical team working with him not bypassing his medical wishes and giving him the appropriate care he needs. Does he have a designated medical spokes person (here in the US is called a Medical Durable Power of Attorney). You are right if he continues on this path of limited medical attention he will become septic and die. Your challenge is to give him the best possible care within the limits everyone has put on you. My thoughts and blessings are with both of you. Barbara
Dear Tilly, This poor gentleman! My concern is that he has dementia and mental health issues so why is the medical team working with him not bypassing his medical wishes and giving him the appropriate care he needs. Does he have a designated medical spokes person (here in the US is called a Medical Durable Power of Attorney). You are right if he continues on this path of limited medical attention he will become septic and die. Your challenge is to give him the best possible care within the limits everyone has put on you. My thoughts and blessings are with both of you. Barbara
Kim
My dad passed away in February from congestive heart failure. He was on hospice care in my home. I’ve been going over and over his last days of life and thinking that I may have caused his death by giving him morphine and Ativan. I administered all of his medication. It was almost like as soon as we called in hospice and started the morphine and Ativan he began dying. He stopped communicating after 2-3 days on hospice care and died 2 days after. I was told the morphine was for “air hunger” and the Ativan was for agitation. What if I hadn’t given it to him? Would I have had more time with him? I am heartbroken still and it’s 11 months later.
My dad passed away in February from congestive heart failure. He was on hospice care in my home. I’ve been going over and over his last days of life and thinking that I may have caused his death by giving him morphine and Ativan. I administered all of his medication. It was almost like as soon as we called in hospice and started the morphine and Ativan he began dying. He stopped communicating after 2-3 days on hospice care and died 2 days after. I was told the morphine was for “air hunger” and the Ativan was for agitation. What if I hadn’t given it to him? Would I have had more time with him? I am heartbroken still and it’s 11 months later.
cynthia shipley
My sister battled Lupus for most of her adult life. She died two years ago. Something keeps nagging me since then. On the day she died, I arrived at the nursing home (in a hospital) at 9:30 AM she was breathing very fast. She wasn’t breathing that way when I went home the evening before at 10:30 PM. She was not responsive and hadn’t been for days. She was on Ativan and Morphine. Her husband is a respiratory therapist. It was strange that he was there as he never came until 8:00 PM, stayed 15 minutes and left every day. I asked why she was breathing so fast and he offered no answer. I thought morphine was supposed to slow a person’s breathing. She continued to breath at a fast rate of speed until 8 PM. At that time they gave her more morphine and at 8:05 PM her breathing slowed to normal. She stopped breathing a 8:09 PM. The nurses gave me very little information whenever I talked to them, although I was her health care provider. I asked that they let me know when she was near death. I wanted to be with her as much as I could. I babysat my two grandchildren and tried to split my time between my sister and my grandchildren. I had to beg her husband to visit her. That was when she was still lucid. She agreed to change her health care provider to me. I found out later that he had been having an affair. He knew all the nurses. They never told me anything as to how close she might be to death. I can’t understand why she was breathing so fast. Can you shed any light on this?
My sister battled Lupus for most of her adult life. She died two years ago. Something keeps nagging me since then. On the day she died, I arrived at the nursing home (in a hospital) at 9:30 AM she was breathing very fast. She wasn’t breathing that way when I went home the evening before at 10:30 PM. She was not responsive and hadn’t been for days. She was on Ativan and Morphine. Her husband is a respiratory therapist. It was strange that he was there as he never came until 8:00 PM, stayed 15 minutes and left every day. I asked why she was breathing so fast and he offered no answer. I thought morphine was supposed to slow a person’s breathing. She continued to breath at a fast rate of speed until 8 PM. At that time they gave her more morphine and at 8:05 PM her breathing slowed to normal. She stopped breathing a 8:09 PM. The nurses gave me very little information whenever I talked to them, although I was her health care provider. I asked that they let me know when she was near death. I wanted to be with her as much as I could. I babysat my two grandchildren and tried to split my time between my sister and my grandchildren. I had to beg her husband to visit her. That was when she was still lucid. She agreed to change her health care provider to me. I found out later that he had been having an affair. He knew all the nurses. They never told me anything as to how close she might be to death. I can’t understand why she was breathing so fast. Can you shed any light on this?
Tilly
Ive been currently looking after a patient for 7 yrs with dementia, and sicotic mental health, he recently got an auto immune disorder, his body is full of sores which are infected as the dressings are green, i am a carer and have been for 30yrs, hes in a lot of pain so is now on oramorph every 4 hrs, the wounds and the smell is erendous but won’t give him any antibiotics after finding 2 bugs from his sores, he refuses for anyone to go near him to change i know he isnt gonna come out from this as i know he will end up with sepsis which will kill him, its heartbreaking seeing him like this
Ive been currently looking after a patient for 7 yrs with dementia, and sicotic mental health, he recently got an auto immune disorder, his body is full of sores which are infected as the dressings are green, i am a carer and have been for 30yrs, hes in a lot of pain so is now on oramorph every 4 hrs, the wounds and the smell is erendous but won’t give him any antibiotics after finding 2 bugs from his sores, he refuses for anyone to go near him to change i know he isnt gonna come out from this as i know he will end up with sepsis which will kill him, its heartbreaking seeing him like this
Barbara
Oh Laura, I am so sorry you had such a stressful time with your mother’s passing. It is so difficult to watch someone die, particularly when you don’t know what to do. From what you have told me you did a wonderful job of caring for and being with your mom during her dying days. What you have described, although scary to watch, is how people die. Your mom actually did a good job of getting out of her body. Just think of a little chick working to get out of it’s shell, that is what your mom was doing, working to get out of her body. And it takes work—some more than others. It sounds like all the medicines she was receiving allowed her to relax and make the work of releasing a bit easier. Laura, know that despite appearances your mother could hear you and knew you were with her, supporting her during her final act of living. My blessings are with you, your family, and your blessed new baby. Barbara
Oh Laura, I am so sorry you had such a stressful time with your mother’s passing. It is so difficult to watch someone die, particularly when you don’t know what to do. From what you have told me you did a wonderful job of caring for and being with your mom during her dying days. What you have described, although scary to watch, is how people die. Your mom actually did a good job of getting out of her body. Just think of a little chick working to get out of it’s shell, that is what your mom was doing, working to get out of her body. And it takes work—some more than others. It sounds like all the medicines she was receiving allowed her to relax and make the work of releasing a bit easier. Laura, know that despite appearances your mother could hear you and knew you were with her, supporting her during her final act of living. My blessings are with you, your family, and your blessed new baby. Barbara
Sad Daughter
Hello. My mom had stage 4 metastatic breast cancer that was all over. Her bones, lungs, lymph nodes, breast, and liver. She was amazing and lived all on her own in the 8 days before she passed, with a weekly visit from hospice and daily visits from me and my newborn. It was so hard. She suddenly couldn’t breathe well and went to the hospital, and just seemed to go into a coma. It was so strange. She was in and out of it. She woke up having stomach pain (the liver tumor) and they told her it was time to go home to hospice. When we moved her she wasn’t even coherent. She got to her final home and it was 7 days until she passed. She only woke once and was very agitated and uncomfortable, she was very very VERY thin and her bottom had a bone pressing on the bed so she needed to be moved. I kept moving her but no position helped. Finally I crushed up her xanax bc she had taken that so long and hadn’t had it, and used a syringe to put it in her mouth. She calmed down and fell back asleep and never came to again after that. She was also on morphine through all this, a full syringe every hour. She seemed like she was in a coma, she was also getting Ativan after that every 2 hours. It was sooo much medicine for her tiny 85lb body, plus she hadn’t eaten in like 5 days. Her eyes were open. She just seemed gone. I sat by her the whole 7 days while my husband and his family cared for our newborn son and daughter (we were all in the same house.) but, I could never tell after that last dose of her Xanax if she could hear me. I hated that she had woken so uncomfortable and that was her and my last memory. I had moved her 15 times and was crying telling her I didn’t know what to do to help anymore, bc she was never comfortable. And then she went back into her “coma” state with her eyes open for like 4 days and passed. How can she have heard me with all the pain and anxiety medicine? Was she in pain since her body maybe couldn’t even process the meds she was receiving?
Hello. My mom had stage 4 metastatic breast cancer that was all over. Her bones, lungs, lymph nodes, breast, and liver. She was amazing and lived all on her own in the 8 days before she passed, with a weekly visit from hospice and daily visits from me and my newborn. It was so hard. She suddenly couldn’t breathe well and went to the hospital, and just seemed to go into a coma. It was so strange. She was in and out of it. She woke up having stomach pain (the liver tumor) and they told her it was time to go home to hospice. When we moved her she wasn’t even coherent. She got to her final home and it was 7 days until she passed. She only woke once and was very agitated and uncomfortable, she was very very VERY thin and her bottom had a bone pressing on the bed so she needed to be moved. I kept moving her but no position helped. Finally I crushed up her xanax bc she had taken that so long and hadn’t had it, and used a syringe to put it in her mouth. She calmed down and fell back asleep and never came to again after that. She was also on morphine through all this, a full syringe every hour. She seemed like she was in a coma, she was also getting Ativan after that every 2 hours. It was sooo much medicine for her tiny 85lb body, plus she hadn’t eaten in like 5 days. Her eyes were open. She just seemed gone. I sat by her the whole 7 days while my husband and his family cared for our newborn son and daughter (we were all in the same house.) but, I could never tell after that last dose of her Xanax if she could hear me. I hated that she had woken so uncomfortable and that was her and my last memory. I had moved her 15 times and was crying telling her I didn’t know what to do to help anymore, bc she was never comfortable. And then she went back into her “coma” state with her eyes open for like 4 days and passed. How can she have heard me with all the pain and anxiety medicine? Was she in pain since her body maybe couldn’t even process the meds she was receiving?
Barbara
Hi Sylvia, If your husband is not in physical pain but having difficulty breathing a small amount of morphine may, operative word may, make breathing easier. The Ativan can help with the agitation. What you described tells me he is in the “labor” of dying. I think he is doing what his body is supposed to be doing as he approaches death. Have you read my booklet “Gone From My Sight”? It will describe the signs of approaching death that are normal and natural. Agitation and seeing people that aren’t there is part of what happens in the weeks before death from disease. If I can be of further help use my personal email barbara@bkooks.com. Sylvia, this is a challenging time. Think of the little chick trying to get out of it’s shell. It is hard work and that is what your husband is doing now—working to get out of his body. My thoughts and blessings are with you. Barbara
Hi Sylvia, If your husband is not in physical pain but having difficulty breathing a small amount of morphine may, operative word may, make breathing easier. The Ativan can help with the agitation. What you described tells me he is in the “labor” of dying. I think he is doing what his body is supposed to be doing as he approaches death. Have you read my booklet “Gone From My Sight”? It will describe the signs of approaching death that are normal and natural. Agitation and seeing people that aren’t there is part of what happens in the weeks before death from disease. If I can be of further help use my personal email barbara@bkooks.com. Sylvia, this is a challenging time. Think of the little chick trying to get out of it’s shell. It is hard work and that is what your husband is doing now—working to get out of his body. My thoughts and blessings are with you. Barbara
Sylvia
My husband is dying of liver chrossis non alcoholic
He was alert but with a lot of agitation and seeing people who were not there
The hospice team said to start him
On mprphine and Ativan
I did for the last couple days but now he is in a state where he doesn’t eat or drink or take his other meds
He had never complained of pain but my question why give drugs if not in pain
He wheezes a lot so they said the morphine will help
So confused
My husband is dying of liver chrossis non alcoholic
He was alert but with a lot of agitation and seeing people who were not there
The hospice team said to start him
On mprphine and Ativan
I did for the last couple days but now he is in a state where he doesn’t eat or drink or take his other meds
He had never complained of pain but my question why give drugs if not in pain
He wheezes a lot so they said the morphine will help
So confused
Barbara
My Dear Jessica, I am so sorry for the loss of your great love. So young, it is hard for us to wrap our mind around such a loss. It seems the morphine gave him the comfort to release from his body. Our body, when it is dying, is like a little chick working to free itself from the shell it has lived in for awhile. It is hard work. Morphine helps us relax with the physical pain eased and we can get out of our shell (when we are ready). I don’t know if you have read Gone From My Sight, my booklet on how people die, but it may be helpful. Also My Friend, I Care, my grief booklet, will be helpful in understanding your grief. You might want to write a letter to your best friend and put everything that is in your heart in the letter. No one needs to see the letter or hear the tears. Then burn the letter and throw the ashes to the wind. Know in your heart your friend will know the letter. My blessings are with you. Barbara
My Dear Jessica, I am so sorry for the loss of your great love. So young, it is hard for us to wrap our mind around such a loss. It seems the morphine gave him the comfort to release from his body. Our body, when it is dying, is like a little chick working to free itself from the shell it has lived in for awhile. It is hard work. Morphine helps us relax with the physical pain eased and we can get out of our shell (when we are ready). I don’t know if you have read Gone From My Sight, my booklet on how people die, but it may be helpful. Also My Friend, I Care, my grief booklet, will be helpful in understanding your grief. You might want to write a letter to your best friend and put everything that is in your heart in the letter. No one needs to see the letter or hear the tears. Then burn the letter and throw the ashes to the wind. Know in your heart your friend will know the letter. My blessings are with you. Barbara
Jessica Brister
I’m so glad I came across this.For 17 weeks I have been reliving the final days of my best friend and someone I loved with my heart and soul.He was 39 years old and passed from pancreatic cancer in five weeks.Every time he groaned out I couldn’t take it.The nurse told me to let her know and she would help with his discomfort.All these weeks I felt responsible for his death.Maybe I should have let him wake up.Was he trying to talk to me?Did he know what was going on?Questions I have had.I have got to let this go it has been making me sick.The article has shown me that those meds just kept him comfortable to something that was already upon us.I hope this article helps others and we will see over time if it truly helps me. Death is just so final and nobody should have to feel responsible for it.
I’m so glad I came across this.For 17 weeks I have been reliving the final days of my best friend and someone I loved with my heart and soul.He was 39 years old and passed from pancreatic cancer in five weeks.Every time he groaned out I couldn’t take it.The nurse told me to let her know and she would help with his discomfort.All these weeks I felt responsible for his death.Maybe I should have let him wake up.Was he trying to talk to me?Did he know what was going on?Questions I have had.I have got to let this go it has been making me sick.The article has shown me that those meds just kept him comfortable to something that was already upon us.I hope this article helps others and we will see over time if it truly helps me. Death is just so final and nobody should have to feel responsible for it.
Ang irons
Hi my husband died of bladder cancer inJuly and was given morphine towards the end. In a syringe drive, but up until the last breath he was with us He never went into the sleep that we where told to expect. This was because he fought to be with us till the end and up to ten mins before he died he was still asking for thing and death came so quick. He was not in pain thank you to the care of a fantastic hospice
Hi my husband died of bladder cancer inJuly and was given morphine towards the end. In a syringe drive, but up until the last breath he was with us He never went into the sleep that we where told to expect. This was because he fought to be with us till the end and up to ten mins before he died he was still asking for thing and death came so quick. He was not in pain thank you to the care of a fantastic hospice
Barbara
Hi Kim, it is so hard when death comes to someone we love. Being on Hospice and morphine probably did not shorten your mother’s life. My guess is the lung cancer just progressed in those 3 years to the point her body could no longer function. In many cases a small amount of morphine will make breathing easier but eventually nothing will stop the progression of the cancer. My blessings are with you in your grief. Barbara
Hi Kim, it is so hard when death comes to someone we love. Being on Hospice and morphine probably did not shorten your mother’s life. My guess is the lung cancer just progressed in those 3 years to the point her body could no longer function. In many cases a small amount of morphine will make breathing easier but eventually nothing will stop the progression of the cancer. My blessings are with you in your grief. Barbara
Kim L.
My mom had lung cancer for almost 3 years and she was doing pretty good but then she started coughing more and one night she was coughing so bad where she was almost choking so the next day she wanted me to call her doctor to get hospice to come out that same day, I wanted to call my sister to take her to the doctor’s (we don’t have a car) I didn’t want to call hospice because what happened with my dad and plus what I heard about hospice. But she keep on telling me to call so I did it was on the sixteenth and on the thirty first of the same month my mom was gone they gave her morphine and Ativan they show how to do it and I was against it at first especially the morphine but they told me morphine will help her breath better it will open up her lungs. Now my mom is gone and I’m so lost without her.
My mom had lung cancer for almost 3 years and she was doing pretty good but then she started coughing more and one night she was coughing so bad where she was almost choking so the next day she wanted me to call her doctor to get hospice to come out that same day, I wanted to call my sister to take her to the doctor’s (we don’t have a car) I didn’t want to call hospice because what happened with my dad and plus what I heard about hospice. But she keep on telling me to call so I did it was on the sixteenth and on the thirty first of the same month my mom was gone they gave her morphine and Ativan they show how to do it and I was against it at first especially the morphine but they told me morphine will help her breath better it will open up her lungs. Now my mom is gone and I’m so lost without her.
Linda y Annlot
This site answered my question of did my administering oral morphine cause my husband’s death. I did the right thing and he died peacefully after weeks of pain.
This site answered my question of did my administering oral morphine cause my husband’s death. I did the right thing and he died peacefully after weeks of pain.
Ant
Going through the same questions now. Researching and trying to understand is both comforting and annoyingly futile. I can’t leave the bedside for fear of the Angel of Death, but at the same time know in my bones that it’s time. Or is it my time. She wants to live so she lingers. I may never have any comfort at all in these times.
Going through the same questions now. Researching and trying to understand is both comforting and annoyingly futile. I can’t leave the bedside for fear of the Angel of Death, but at the same time know in my bones that it’s time. Or is it my time. She wants to live so she lingers. I may never have any comfort at all in these times.
Barbara Karnes
Hi Blanche, I am so sorry you and your Dad had the experience at the VA where the nurse used her own ignorance to determine the correct medical treatment for your father. Unfortunately ignorance however well intended often results in hardship for others. I am glad you are pursuing action. The health care facility needs to know what happened so disciplinary action can be taken. By your speaking out you may help someone else die more sensibly. There is no reason for anyone today to die in pain. The obstacle is lack of knowledge by the very professionals that are to provide comfort. My blessings to you. Barbara
Hi Blanche, I am so sorry you and your Dad had the experience at the VA where the nurse used her own ignorance to determine the correct medical treatment for your father. Unfortunately ignorance however well intended often results in hardship for others. I am glad you are pursuing action. The health care facility needs to know what happened so disciplinary action can be taken. By your speaking out you may help someone else die more sensibly. There is no reason for anyone today to die in pain. The obstacle is lack of knowledge by the very professionals that are to provide comfort. My blessings to you. Barbara
Blanche Harding
My dad was in the last stages of COPD. We took him to St. Alphonsus in Ontario, OR, and they immediately transferred him to the Boise VA hospital. When arriving at the VA, they admitted him and we talked about the care that he would be given in the days until he passed. My dad and I had talked about this for some time, since he was worsening every day. I took care of him for 22 years, so I knew what he wanted. He had a DNR and did not want to be kept alive in the end. The Boise VA started giving him Morphine and Ativan in scheduled doses. The nurses were great, one of them even coming in early to see if my dad was in pain. He would actually give him meds a little early if he looked like he was in pain. The night before my dad passed, the nurse that was on duty took it upon herself to play God. She thought it was “unethical” for the doctors to give him so much medicine, and that it enhanced the death process, so she skipped several doses. She would come in a half an hour late for doses, and not even give him a dose if she thought it was too soon. Because of this woman who thought she could play God, my dad died in excruciating pain. I am now looking into filing charges against her because of this. I promised my dad he would not die in pain and he did, because of this woman.
My dad was in the last stages of COPD. We took him to St. Alphonsus in Ontario, OR, and they immediately transferred him to the Boise VA hospital. When arriving at the VA, they admitted him and we talked about the care that he would be given in the days until he passed. My dad and I had talked about this for some time, since he was worsening every day. I took care of him for 22 years, so I knew what he wanted. He had a DNR and did not want to be kept alive in the end. The Boise VA started giving him Morphine and Ativan in scheduled doses. The nurses were great, one of them even coming in early to see if my dad was in pain. He would actually give him meds a little early if he looked like he was in pain. The night before my dad passed, the nurse that was on duty took it upon herself to play God. She thought it was “unethical” for the doctors to give him so much medicine, and that it enhanced the death process, so she skipped several doses. She would come in a half an hour late for doses, and not even give him a dose if she thought it was too soon. Because of this woman who thought she could play God, my dad died in excruciating pain. I am now looking into filing charges against her because of this. I promised my dad he would not die in pain and he did, because of this woman.
Barbara Karnes
Hi Lisa, there are doctors and then there are other doctors. Some we can trust our loved ones with, others, not even our pets. The question is how do we know who to trust and who not to. It used to be we knew our physician. They knew us and our bodies because of years of being involved with us. Today we are bounced from one physician to another, all in the name of specialists.
How fortunate you are to have your mom on hospice. As you have learned they are the experts in pain management, medication side effects and all end of life care. End of life care is not like “getting better” care. It is different and most hospices excel in addressing the difference. Some physicians don’t know, or at least treat, as if there is a difference.
I am sorry you and your family had this unfortunate experience. How good for all that hospice is with you now. You are in my thoughts and blessings. Barbara
Hi Lisa, there are doctors and then there are other doctors. Some we can trust our loved ones with, others, not even our pets. The question is how do we know who to trust and who not to. It used to be we knew our physician. They knew us and our bodies because of years of being involved with us. Today we are bounced from one physician to another, all in the name of specialists.
How fortunate you are to have your mom on hospice. As you have learned they are the experts in pain management, medication side effects and all end of life care. End of life care is not like “getting better” care. It is different and most hospices excel in addressing the difference. Some physicians don’t know, or at least treat, as if there is a difference.
I am sorry you and your family had this unfortunate experience. How good for all that hospice is with you now. You are in my thoughts and blessings. Barbara
Lisa Dos Santos
My mother has extensive Non-Hodgkins lymphoma. A month ago she was told she has a few months to live. she started morphine for the pain but she has become incredibly lethargic (sleeps most of the day), strange breathing, body and hand twitching, even having hallucinations, in and out of consciousness – generally very confused and out of it – seemingly all overnight. We thought that her condition has drastically escalated after hearing the news and that this may very well be the end.
However – one visit from a nurse at the non-profit st lukes hospice and she ascertained that not only had the doctor prescribed too high a dose of morphine for my mom (which caused the weird breathing/loss of consciousness and twitching), but that the water pills she had been taking for the lymphedema had been causing dangerously low blood pressure. The reason for her confusion (lack of blood to the brain). So all these symptoms were med related. Nothing to do with the cancer. She could have died from hypotension if she didn’t stop the water pills.
The doctors who prescribed these powerful drugs did not follow up with my mom on how she was coping on the medication. All the while we thought it was the cancer so didn’t think to question the doctors.
My take on this is:
Medicine is extremely dangerous – do not assume that doctors prescribe the correct amount Do not blindly trust anyone in medical profession.. especially from someone who profits from it Doctors no longer seek to cure patients, they just handle the symptoms without looking at the root cause. Which then most of the time means the patient suffers a new set of symptoms from the treatments given.Cancer patients do not have cancer from lack of radiation and chemo. They have cancer for a reason. We need to find out what the reason is.
My mother has extensive Non-Hodgkins lymphoma. A month ago she was told she has a few months to live. she started morphine for the pain but she has become incredibly lethargic (sleeps most of the day), strange breathing, body and hand twitching, even having hallucinations, in and out of consciousness – generally very confused and out of it – seemingly all overnight. We thought that her condition has drastically escalated after hearing the news and that this may very well be the end.
However – one visit from a nurse at the non-profit st lukes hospice and she ascertained that not only had the doctor prescribed too high a dose of morphine for my mom (which caused the weird breathing/loss of consciousness and twitching), but that the water pills she had been taking for the lymphedema had been causing dangerously low blood pressure. The reason for her confusion (lack of blood to the brain). So all these symptoms were med related. Nothing to do with the cancer. She could have died from hypotension if she didn’t stop the water pills.
The doctors who prescribed these powerful drugs did not follow up with my mom on how she was coping on the medication. All the while we thought it was the cancer so didn’t think to question the doctors.
My take on this is:
Medicine is extremely dangerous – do not assume that doctors prescribe the correct amount Do not blindly trust anyone in medical profession.. especially from someone who profits from it Doctors no longer seek to cure patients, they just handle the symptoms without looking at the root cause. Which then most of the time means the patient suffers a new set of symptoms from the treatments given.Cancer patients do not have cancer from lack of radiation and chemo. They have cancer for a reason. We need to find out what the reason is.
Debra kerr
My mother had chf and hospice gave her morphine and she never regained consciousness after that, then died in two days. I always felt it was the morphine but they said no.
My mother had chf and hospice gave her morphine and she never regained consciousness after that, then died in two days. I always felt it was the morphine but they said no.
Barbara Karnes
Hi Michael, It is very challenging caring for someone you care about and watching them approach the end of their life.
It sounds like your brother in law has entered what I call labor. If pain has not been an issue during his disease process then he is probably not in pain now. What you are seeing is his labor to leave his body. Just think of the little chick working to get out of its shell. We, the watchers, see the struggle and it is upsetting to us. You can certainly give him a bit of Morphine if it will make you feel better. From what you have written it appears we are talking weeks to days before death comes. I interpret his actions as activity dying. Sounds like he is doing a very good job of releasing his body. I see nothing pathological or abnormal happening. His occasional moans are just a part of the natural dying process. I don’t think they represent pain. I am glad to see you have hospice services.Talk with your hospice nurse about your concern of using morphine.
My blessings are with you and your family. Barbara
Hi Michael, It is very challenging caring for someone you care about and watching them approach the end of their life.
It sounds like your brother in law has entered what I call labor. If pain has not been an issue during his disease process then he is probably not in pain now. What you are seeing is his labor to leave his body. Just think of the little chick working to get out of its shell. We, the watchers, see the struggle and it is upsetting to us. You can certainly give him a bit of Morphine if it will make you feel better. From what you have written it appears we are talking weeks to days before death comes. I interpret his actions as activity dying. Sounds like he is doing a very good job of releasing his body. I see nothing pathological or abnormal happening. His occasional moans are just a part of the natural dying process. I don’t think they represent pain. I am glad to see you have hospice services.Talk with your hospice nurse about your concern of using morphine.
My blessings are with you and your family. Barbara
Michael K. Casler
Brother in law who is a 95 yr old WWII Vet..has CHF and stage 4/5 kidney failure. Can’t communicate much now…eyes open a little bit. When I did ask if he was in pain when he could communicated he always said no. He is talking in his sleep and moving around on the bed. He does moan from time to time. He looks uncomfortable. He is in my home under hospice care. I have morphine to give him but don’t know if I should.
Is he likely in pain? If I give morphine, will he move around less and be more calm?
Thanks,
Michael
Brother in law who is a 95 yr old WWII Vet..has CHF and stage 4/5 kidney failure. Can’t communicate much now…eyes open a little bit. When I did ask if he was in pain when he could communicated he always said no. He is talking in his sleep and moving around on the bed. He does moan from time to time. He looks uncomfortable. He is in my home under hospice care. I have morphine to give him but don’t know if I should.
Is he likely in pain? If I give morphine, will he move around less and be more calm?
Thanks,
Michael
Sandra
This is an answer I have been searching for, for almost 2 years. My father had heart failure and his kidneys had shut down. I gave him morphine on his last day and only the dose instructed by his nurse and my mother made the comment about how morphine is used to hasten death. She had me convinced I killed him. To live with that notion has been unbearable. I cannot thank you enough for this article.
This is an answer I have been searching for, for almost 2 years. My father had heart failure and his kidneys had shut down. I gave him morphine on his last day and only the dose instructed by his nurse and my mother made the comment about how morphine is used to hasten death. She had me convinced I killed him. To live with that notion has been unbearable. I cannot thank you enough for this article.
Barbara Karnes
Hi Elizabeth, in response to your question about your uncle dying 5 minutes after the GP gave him a high dose of morphine; I would need more medical information to make any definitive statement about your uncles immediate death but I will make some general comments. Cancer of the liver affects the body’s ability to process medications (along with many other things) so dying within five minutes of getting a medication seems unlikely that the medication had time to have any affect. Also when death is within days to hours the body’s circulation is slowing down. Medications are not as absorbed as quickly so take longer to have the desired effect.
I don’t believe “mercy medication” was the result here.
Hi Elizabeth, in response to your question about your uncle dying 5 minutes after the GP gave him a high dose of morphine; I would need more medical information to make any definitive statement about your uncles immediate death but I will make some general comments. Cancer of the liver affects the body’s ability to process medications (along with many other things) so dying within five minutes of getting a medication seems unlikely that the medication had time to have any affect. Also when death is within days to hours the body’s circulation is slowing down. Medications are not as absorbed as quickly so take longer to have the desired effect.
I don’t believe “mercy medication” was the result here.
Elizabeth
Hi,
My uncle passed away last night from liver cancer. I understand that morphine is used to help the person pass on without pain. My question is, is it just a coincidence that about five minutes after the GP came to administer a higher dose of morphine, my uncle passed away? Does it not perhaps have something to do with shutting the body down and be something you could call mercy medication? Please could you let me know.
Thanks
Hi,
My uncle passed away last night from liver cancer. I understand that morphine is used to help the person pass on without pain. My question is, is it just a coincidence that about five minutes after the GP came to administer a higher dose of morphine, my uncle passed away? Does it not perhaps have something to do with shutting the body down and be something you could call mercy medication? Please could you let me know.
Thanks
Evelyn Rodriguez
I thank everyone that put there comments here, cause i felt guilty for highering the dosage of morphine in my dads last days, i was looking for answers to be at peace with myself, it was a hard dicision to make in my life and i dont wish that on nobody! My father died in peace with no pain at all he had pacreatic cancer and thats a fisical pain thats very tuff on a body, but now hes in heaven and i know cause the day before he died he saw a big wooden cross with 3 angels praying, so i know they came for him the next day. Thank you Jesus for your love and mercy!?
I thank everyone that put there comments here, cause i felt guilty for highering the dosage of morphine in my dads last days, i was looking for answers to be at peace with myself, it was a hard dicision to make in my life and i dont wish that on nobody! My father died in peace with no pain at all he had pacreatic cancer and thats a fisical pain thats very tuff on a body, but now hes in heaven and i know cause the day before he died he saw a big wooden cross with 3 angels praying, so i know they came for him the next day. Thank you Jesus for your love and mercy!?