Date
July 10 2018
Written By
Barbara Karnes
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3 Things You Can Do As Someone Is Dying

3 Things You Can Do As Someone Is Dying


Comments

Barbara - July 14 2018

Mary, I am so sorry you had such an insensitive experience with hospice. Hospice is not suppose to be like that. At some point you might think of contacting the director of that particular hospice and recount your experience and how it made you feel. Maybe that knowledge will be used to educate the staff so other families will benefit from your unhelpful experience.
Again, I am sorry the last moments with your husband were marred by another’s thoughtlessness.
My blessings are with you and your family. Barbara

mary - July 14 2018

Wish my experience had been good with Hospice. The worker just came in and took over the whole room. Spread her books out and took the space the family should have had to be alone with my husband. Did not offer any courtesy to us at all or to him. We were grieving and she did nothing to help.

Barbara - July 12 2018

Hi Angie, you are so right, when families are under stress it can be their fineness moment of working together or the stress has them lashing out at each other and any one who is there. Those being there is generally us, the worker bees. Don’t take the outbursts personally. It has nothing to do with us. Be a listener, don’t take sides, and basically stay out of family feuds. As unpleasant as it is to be around these situations just remind yourself that nothing bad is happening. It is just family dealing with the stress of a loved one dying and the stress of being a family.
Blessing to you. Barbara

Susanne - July 12 2018

After 20+ yearsas Home hospice RN and 9yrs of Palliative Care, and
1yr at In Patient Hospice retirement has shut me down @75yrs..My heart , my bliss is caring for these patients…Missing the caring and meeting the needs of families of the dying ……..

Angie - July 12 2018

I always read every note about the comments family and hospice angels leave at various sites. I always learn something new. One thing I haven’t read about and something we probably don’t want to discuss is the anger between family members and toward hospice caregivers. The rude comments are usually regarding “who” has been taking care of the patient as in who, how long, how much work, hours, etc. When this happens to me I just get very quite and let the comment go. When everyone is calm again just say something like if you want me to go I will, just let me know what you need from me and I will be here as long as needed. Most family members don’t know what to do or say when the loved one is dying. I usually have my Bible and say something like, you can read the Bible to her or him if you want to.

Janet Odom - July 12 2018

I have read all of Barbaras’s booklets and have found them to be very helpful and comforting. I have been with several members of family in they’re last hours and just recently my mother who suffered with dementia died in my arms. I am grateful for the information I learned and now have had the opportunity to purchase and share these booklets/books with others during the time while others are loosing loved ones. I am now 64 and have lost both parents, aunts and uncles. It’s all part of life, knowledge and understanding bring peace on the journey. Thank you so much for leading me through this process.

Jeff Snyder - July 11 2018

On June 28th of 2017 my wife passed away in Hospice at St Vincent Hospital Little Rock Arkansas. We were married for almost 34 years I cannot put into words the love and friendship we had and I miss her.
The Hospice Friends that helped us understand what was going on and the care they gave my wife was way beyond what I could have done at home.
These God sent people are the best of the medical field They are there for the family as well as the patient I’ll never forget the way they treated us all during the time we were there. They will always have my gratitude. They also have kept up with me for the last year to make sure I’m doing ok. There are Angles who walk among us.

Jayne Reed - July 11 2018

Two specific things the home hospice nurse said that were very helpful in my mother’s last hours:

1. “When is the priest coming? I think she’s waiting for him..” I called him, and he was there in time to give her last rites with all of us there.

2. We were looking at old pictures and getting a bit noisy; the hospice nurse gently told us that we were disturbing her process, as she could hear us. So, remembering that my mother had always said that she wanted the Rosary said at her funeral, we put on a tape of the Rosary with music, and we prayed along. She faded out with the last Hail Marys.

I can’t repeat enough times that having the guidance of a “death doula” in those hours was invaluable.

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