Dying a gradual death, as opposed to dying suddenly, has certain patterns that tend to accompany it. There are similarities that can be found in most people as they approach death from disease or old age.
Our personality and how we have lived our life up to this point are major factors in how we will live between diagnosis and death. Just because we are approaching death doesn’t mean our tools for approaching life are any different than they have always been.
We will meet the challenge of dying in the same manner we have met our other challenges in life. After all, dying is just one more challenge — a big one, maybe the biggest of our whole life — but still just another life experience.
If we are a controlling person, we will seek to have maximum control over this experience, too. We will probably tell the physicians what we will and won’t do. We will probably do volumes of online research (By the way, we all should do information gathering about our illness and treatment options.)
If we run away from our challenges, we will probably be in denial. The doctors are wrong or we will “beat this thing” no matter the evidence to the contrary.
If we are an introvert we may feel compelled to not tell others what we are thinking or feeling. Introverts need to be careful, as that is a lonely path.
If we are organized we will make sure our affairs are in order. We will have our living wills, advanced directives, and DNRs in place. We will make sure our important goodbyes are said.
You see where I am going with this. Look at how a person is living their life, and you will understand how they will live as their death approaches.
We don’t change our patterns because we are dying. HOWEVER being told death will come is an opportunity. It is an opportunity to address life differently.
Something more… about We Die the Way We Live: Patterns at the End of Life
Every person dies in their own unique way—a way that reflects how they’ve lived. As a family member, understanding your loved one’s patterns can help you meet them with empathy, patience, and love.
If someone you care for is approaching the end of life, knowledge can ease fear and bring peace to both of you. These resources will support you: The Final Act of Living, and my dvd kit, New Rules for End of Life Care.
