We go through labor to enter this world AND we go through labor to leave it. Most of us don’t know this. When we see our special person struggling, we, the watchers, think something pathological is happening or we think the professionals are not doing enough to provide proper care.
In reality, nothing bad is happening. It is sad — but not bad. This is how we leave our body, how we leave this world.
Dying is not pretty. It is often messy, loud, and very scary for us watchers. Because we only have tv and the movies as our guide on how people die, we are not prepared for its ugliness. Add our emotions of sadness to what we see and we end up with a distorted memory of our experience. We end up with misconceptions of what was happening.
My booklets go into detail but here are a few of the natural things people do in the moments before death:
* The person will not be aware of their surroundings
* Their eyes will be partially open but not focused
* There will be congestion, difficulty breathing, or gaping movements almost like a fish breathing out of water
* Involuntary urination and bowel movements
* Restlessness and agitation OR stillness
* The closer to death they are, generally the slower breathing becomes
* Breathing will appear to stop, but then there can be two or three long, spaced out breaths
* I have seen a tear, but not as often as you might think
These are some of the things you are most likely to see during the last moments before life leaves a body. During this time we watch, we love, we cry, we say goodbye. A dying loved one is scary but if we know what to expect, we can let go of our fear that something bad is happening and support our special person as they leave this life.
Something more… This is how we leave our body, how we leave this world…
A good many hospice agencies educate their patients and families with my resources. If you are a home healthcare agency or an end of life doula, support your family caregivers with my booklets. Help reduce the fear they bring to the bedside at this challenging time.
Review of the End of Life Guideline Series Bundle:
Clarity in Uncertain Time
Navigating the complexities of hospice care can be an overwhelming and daunting experience for families facing the impending loss of a loved one. In such challenging times, finding resources that offer clarity and comfort becomes invaluable. …authored with compassion and insight, emerges as a beacon of support for those grappling with difficult decisions and uncertain paths.
What sets these books apart is their ability to provide not only information but also a sense of solace. The language is accessible, devoid of medical jargon that often complicates understanding. Instead, the author speaks directly to the reader, gently guiding them through the next steps in the journey of dying.
