March 03 2020
Written By
Barbara Karnes
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MOM IS DYING and There's So Much Blame

MOM IS DYING and There's So Much Blame


Sandee - May 26 2020

Barbara, i am 54 yrs old single never had kids, (I mention this because i believe that bearing children brings “family” in the situation of “life”!)
I have been a cna in idaho and CA. First time to see one pass away i was at work in idaho, in a facility (which by enlarge are no comparison to CA, cause CA could learn alot about the caring for others! Period!)
I remember the “gurgling” sound and was unfamiliar with that, i thought cant someone just suck the spit out so she dosent choke?
My hope in writing is maybe care facilities would remember that some people (as myself at the time), NEED to have this experience but others who have been through it before should share (as you do!) with others what to expect. I was frightened, wish then that i had the resources of “you”, to guide me.
Ive been through many that experience since then and i can tell you honestly, my father (20 yrs ago) and my mother (2013) i was able capable and understood what was happening because of your unselfishness, and it brought so much peace and love. No “do overs” on this part of life, right!
Just a great “thank you”, from the innermost depths with gratitude for you!
God Bless you!

Barbara - March 06 2020

Hi Diana, thank you so much for sharing the outcome of your experience with your father. My blessings to you. Barbara

Barbara - March 06 2020

Hi Lena, about if people who do not have a religious belief die differently than those that do: I have not really seen a difference. We, no matter our belief are going to be afraid to some degree, when it comes time to die. We are facing the unknown and that is scary. Most of us, through out our life, have decided on a belief system, that belief may or may not include a god. Whatever our beliefs are we tend to keep them as we are dying. There are very few deathbed conversions. Our role in helping people as they approach the end of life is to support them in their beliefs, not introduce ours. Blessings! Barbara

Martha - March 06 2020

Our hospice nurse shared your books with us. So valuable to us at just the right time. Have shared with clergy and friends. Thank you for helping in our darkest hour.

Lena Deblanc - March 06 2020

You and/or your staff have been with many people who die “in peace” as Christian believers. I often wonder about people who die without belief in an after life or even a God. Can you share your experience in that area?

Diana - March 06 2020

Truly the best advise in the world. I had a similar issue in my family when my Dad passed away a few years ago. I emailed Barbara and she gave me such great suggestions, basically do not engage. It was with my Dad’s wife. I never engaged with her or her daughter and refused to argue. I spent time with my Dad and ignored everything they said. It’s not easy at all, but I am so glad I did because I was able to spend time with my dying father. The night my Dad passed away, I walked out of the house and have NEVER spoken to them again. Sometimes people just see things differently and you can’t do anything about it. Thank you again Barbara, you are the BEST!

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