Widows and widowers who are living alone, I have a question to ask you. What do you do with your days? How do you fill your hours which turn into days now that you are a “me” instead of a “we?”
I didn’t realize how much Jack filled my days and my routines until he wasn't here. Now, I’m having some challenges. Being the very busy, don’t-sit-still kind of person that I am, how do I fill my days?
Household chores — done by 10 AM. Even after correspondence, paying bills, and writing blogs it's only noon or 1 o'clock at the latest. What to do now? Play solitaire, read,get all of my steps in, and nap? Evenings don’t seem so hard — eat dinner (fix food for one, a challenge in itself) then watch TV?
Through my grief work, I learned that grief is expressed through our personality. How we deal with challenges in everyday living is how our grief will show itself. It can manifest as anger, withdrawal, depression, or increased activity. What I didn’t know was the other aspect of grief — transitioning from a “we” to a “me.”
What do “I” want to eat for dinner? What TV show do “I” want to watch? What time do “I” want to go to bed? The operative word is “I.”
One of the ways I am learning how to fill days is by reaching out to others. Where Jack and I satisfied each other's social needs, filled our time together, now I am reaching out.Now I have a number of activities that fill that space: Scheduled weekly evenings watching a TV series with family and friends, pajama Sunday paint by numbers with several friends, and eating an early dinner with friends. The operative words here are "friends" and "family." Part of grieving is finding a way to be with others to counteract the isolation and aimlessness grief can bring.
I learned about end of life and how people die by being at the bedside of many, many people. They taught me what I know. They taught me what books did not teach me. I am now reaching out to you, fellow grievers, to teach me what I didn’t learn about this aspect of grief.
Share with me how you are or have learned to be a “me.”
Something More… about I am now reaching out to you, fellow grievers…
If you are caring for someone facing end of life, get your set of our End of Life Guideline Series bundle to support and educate you from diagnosis to grief.
