Being a type A personality I am moving and doing something most of the time. Tasks are finished before they need to be. Goals are the drive behind me, not the process. From the time I get up in the morning until I go to bed at night I am generally active.
This evening as I was finishing the laundry, had dinner to get ready, and was thinking about how to orchestrate the next three days while my adult children and our grandchildren stayed with us for the holidays, I came to an abrupt halt. Most of my life is spent racing, going no where on my own personal gerbil wheel. I am running but what am I accomplishing?
Yes, I feel I have accomplishments but day to day do I really appreciate the life I have, the living I am capable of doing, the breath I take. I’m not so sure I do. I take most of all the good that I have, and I have an abundance of good in my life, for granted. On my gerbil wheel it is the mundane that gets most of my attention.
It is almost the end of another year. Year end brings reflections and ideas for the future. I’m thinking my New Year’s resolution will be to walk slower, look around me to really see, listen to the planet as it breathes, as I breath, to appreciate those I hold dear and tell them how much I care.
Working with end of life all these years has taught me the precariousness of life, it’s preciousness, and its value . Yet for all the lesson opportunities I’ve had, day to day I still spend way too much time on that darn gerbil wheel. Could what we are all looking for simply be to be in the moment, to experience, to appreciate and absorb each second that we have? No “need to”, ”what if”, “why not”. Just this is it, right now---enjoy, laugh, cry, feel and then move on to the next moment. So simple but so very hard.