Life. We are born, we experience, and then we die. A beginning, a middle, and an ending. What is interesting to me is the similarity between the beginning and the ending.
The beginning: we go through labor to get here. Some of us have a short labor -- mom sneezes and out we come. Others are still trying to arrive after 36 hours.
First we are given milk. We gradually move to soft foods, then reach a point where we eat anything we want.
We sleep most of the time. (At least mom and dad hope so!) Gradually we sleep less and become more active. The same with socialization. At first we connect with mom and dad. Then with our extended family and friends. Eventually we make our own friends and make our way in the world.
At the close of our lives, these same patterns and dynamics in labor, eating, sleeping, and sociability occur -- but this time in reverse.
Just as we have to go through an intensive process to enter this world, so do we go through labor to leave it. Again, some labors are very short, while for others, the labor can vary in length from days to weeks.
The changes to our diet and eating habits are reversed, as well. Months before death, we stop eating meat, then fruits and vegetables, then soft food. Finally we stop consuming liquids and even water.
Just as in the first stages of our lives, our sleeping habits will undergo changes -- but this time they proceed in the opposite direction. We start by adding an afternoon nap and then find that we need a morning nap on top of that. Then we are asleep more than we are awake. Finally, we basically sleep all the time. We are non-responsive. We are beginning our "final push" to leave.
In the months before death, as our labor begins, socialization declines. We have less interest in worldly events, less interest in activities, and even in leaving the house. Our range of activities narrows. At the same time, our circle of friends and loved ones shrinks to include only those very close to us. Finally, we go completely within ourselves and prepare for our labor to exit this life.
Birth and death are the bookends of life.
Something more about... The Parallels Between Birth and Death: Understanding Life's Bookends
The process of labor to leave this world with the signs of approaching death is the focus of Gone From My Sight: The Dying Process. What our special people can do during this process is the focus of The Eleventh Hour: A Caring Guide for the Hours to Minutes Before Death. These two booklets are part of our discounted End of Life Guideline Series Bundle.
7 comments
Martha
When my mother was on Hospice I was so worried because she didn’t want to eat. The nurse that visited her saw me crying and later brought me the blue book. Then I understood the process she was going through. She didn’t need physical food but spiritual food. I played cds of her favorite gospel songs and prayed with her. Read the Bible to her. That seemed more satisfying than food for her. I Thank God for giving you the wisdom to write these books to help us all. 🙏
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BK Books replied:
Hi Martha, thank you for sharing. A little bit of knowledge can make a big difference as end of life approaches. Blessings! Barbara
When my mother was on Hospice I was so worried because she didn’t want to eat. The nurse that visited her saw me crying and later brought me the blue book. Then I understood the process she was going through. She didn’t need physical food but spiritual food. I played cds of her favorite gospel songs and prayed with her. Read the Bible to her. That seemed more satisfying than food for her. I Thank God for giving you the wisdom to write these books to help us all. 🙏
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BK Books replied:
Hi Martha, thank you for sharing. A little bit of knowledge can make a big difference as end of life approaches. Blessings! Barbara
Cindy Evans
I love this! The bookends are my favorite. Thank you for always bringing to light things that are normal and happening everywhere, everyday – under the guise of taboo for discussions. I don’t know how many times people have said, “Oh, let’s not discuss that now dear!” when talking about birth or death. Well, then when?! Ok, off of my soapbox, wanted to just say Thank you for your articles and your booklets which I love to give to my clients to help them walk through the inevitable. Blessings to you Barbara.
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BK Books replied:
Hi Cindy, I know, we seem so afraid to talk about the mechanics of birth and death yet they are both a very important part of living. Blessings to you in the work you are doing. Barbara
I love this! The bookends are my favorite. Thank you for always bringing to light things that are normal and happening everywhere, everyday – under the guise of taboo for discussions. I don’t know how many times people have said, “Oh, let’s not discuss that now dear!” when talking about birth or death. Well, then when?! Ok, off of my soapbox, wanted to just say Thank you for your articles and your booklets which I love to give to my clients to help them walk through the inevitable. Blessings to you Barbara.
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BK Books replied:
Hi Cindy, I know, we seem so afraid to talk about the mechanics of birth and death yet they are both a very important part of living. Blessings to you in the work you are doing. Barbara
jim malloy
Thank you.
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BK Books replied:
You’re welcome. Blessings! Barbara
Thank you.
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BK Books replied:
You’re welcome. Blessings! Barbara
Patty Brennan
There are so many similarities between birth and death, not the least of which is the over-medicalization and institutionalization of what is essentially a natural process . Both birth and death are put behind closed doors (for the most part). We don’t talk about them and they are rarely part of everyday life. This creates a mystique of fear around both as our imaginations seek to fill the gaps.
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BK Books replied:
Hi Patty, I agree. Both birth and death are a natural part of living. We’ve medicalized both.
Blessings to you! Barbara
There are so many similarities between birth and death, not the least of which is the over-medicalization and institutionalization of what is essentially a natural process . Both birth and death are put behind closed doors (for the most part). We don’t talk about them and they are rarely part of everyday life. This creates a mystique of fear around both as our imaginations seek to fill the gaps.
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BK Books replied:
Hi Patty, I agree. Both birth and death are a natural part of living. We’ve medicalized both.
Blessings to you! Barbara
Marianna C.Church
You are the very best! I was a hospice nurse my last position, & I gave all my patients your publications & their families. You are so dearly loved by no doubt trillions of people who have benefited by your great knowledge. God bless you! I graduated from FSU school oh nursing in 1960, & worked off & on in nursing for over 70 wonderful years! I would have worked Asa hospice nurse for free, as I certainly received much more from it than I contributed! I am now 87 years old, & enjoying my last years greatly, as God so richly blesses me each day! Amen, as all is well, & I am looking forward to joining my precious Sweet William in Glory Land when God is ready for me to go.🕊🌹🤟✝️🤗❤️💙🥰🙏🛐💚💟🕊🌹🤗✝️
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BK Books replied:
Hi Marianna, I’m with you, graduated from a diploma nursing school in 1962 but didn’t begin actually working as a nurse until Elizabeth Kubler Ross planted a seed of working with end of life. Blessings to you for your service. Barbara
You are the very best! I was a hospice nurse my last position, & I gave all my patients your publications & their families. You are so dearly loved by no doubt trillions of people who have benefited by your great knowledge. God bless you! I graduated from FSU school oh nursing in 1960, & worked off & on in nursing for over 70 wonderful years! I would have worked Asa hospice nurse for free, as I certainly received much more from it than I contributed! I am now 87 years old, & enjoying my last years greatly, as God so richly blesses me each day! Amen, as all is well, & I am looking forward to joining my precious Sweet William in Glory Land when God is ready for me to go.🕊🌹🤟✝️🤗❤️💙🥰🙏🛐💚💟🕊🌹🤗✝️
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BK Books replied:
Hi Marianna, I’m with you, graduated from a diploma nursing school in 1962 but didn’t begin actually working as a nurse until Elizabeth Kubler Ross planted a seed of working with end of life. Blessings to you for your service. Barbara
Nina Impala
Hi Barbara,
I just want to share with you that I use a lot of your wonderful content for my Bereavement Ministry at my church. Telling people all about you and BK Books. We are a small group which I find so hard to understand! Its big Catholic Church!
I wrote a wonderful article very much like this one that won an award with NHPCO back in 2000. I will be sharing both this month! Thank you for your wonderful work it’s so appreciated!
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BK Books replied:
Hi Nina, it is a puzzle why people tend to be hesitant in accepting help when it is offered. A church bereavement group can be so helpful as we walk in the shoes of grieving. I am impressed your church has the group, too many don’t. Blessings to you in the work you are doing. (if even one person attends your group it is a success. You’ve helped.) Barbara
Hi Barbara,
I just want to share with you that I use a lot of your wonderful content for my Bereavement Ministry at my church. Telling people all about you and BK Books. We are a small group which I find so hard to understand! Its big Catholic Church!
I wrote a wonderful article very much like this one that won an award with NHPCO back in 2000. I will be sharing both this month! Thank you for your wonderful work it’s so appreciated!
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BK Books replied:
Hi Nina, it is a puzzle why people tend to be hesitant in accepting help when it is offered. A church bereavement group can be so helpful as we walk in the shoes of grieving. I am impressed your church has the group, too many don’t. Blessings to you in the work you are doing. (if even one person attends your group it is a success. You’ve helped.) Barbara
Deborah
Dear Barbara, something I’ve always loved about your Gone From My Sight booklet is the beautiful meditation on the departure and arrival of life as if a ship leaving/approaching shore. We are told a loving presence awaits on both shores. I am enriched and comforted by the scope of this. One need only read accounts of near-death-experiences to feel the glimmer of eternity.
Thankyou!
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BK Books replied:
Hi Deborah, I’ve found comfort in the ship poem also. Blessings to you. Barbara
Dear Barbara, something I’ve always loved about your Gone From My Sight booklet is the beautiful meditation on the departure and arrival of life as if a ship leaving/approaching shore. We are told a loving presence awaits on both shores. I am enriched and comforted by the scope of this. One need only read accounts of near-death-experiences to feel the glimmer of eternity.
Thankyou!
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BK Books replied:
Hi Deborah, I’ve found comfort in the ship poem also. Blessings to you. Barbara