In this conversation, Barbara offers profound wisdom: she offers a map, a presence, a way of holding death that allows us to also hold life more fully.
This is much more than a conversation about dying. It is a conversation about what it means to live without fear, and to love more openly, even at the edge of goodbye.
This episode is different. It is personal.
My father passed away this March. Just two days before my birthday.
And in the weeks that followed, I gave myself permission to fully grieve, to feel, to remember, to process.
It was a conscious act of mourning, supported by ceremony, solitude, and also by ketamine therapy, medically supervised at our clinic in Santa Monica.
It helped me meet the waves of grief and let them move through me, not around me.
And in that space, I kept returning to one question: Why, in our culture, is death treated as something to avoid, deny, or sanitize?
Why is something so universal, so sacred, still held in so much fear?
Today’s guest has devoted her entire life to shifting that.
Barbara Karnes is a hospice pioneer and one of the most respected voices in end-of-life education.
Her booklet Gone From My Sight, known as The Little Blue Book, has sold over 40 million copies and changed how countless families understand and approach death.
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/barbarakarnesrn
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2 comments
Jacquelyn
I was with my dear friend in the final stages of dying. She had her eyes half open for most of the night, and when she took her last breath, she opened them wide and looked right into my eyes. It was always important to her that she was not alone with her challenges. I believe she was fully present for that last breath, and it felt like she wanted to be supported in that moment, dying with someone there giving her loving attention. 💕
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BK Books replied:
Jacquelyn, thank you for sharing. I also think a person actively dying is, on some level, (a distant one) aware of what is occurring. Blessings to you! Barbara
I was with my dear friend in the final stages of dying. She had her eyes half open for most of the night, and when she took her last breath, she opened them wide and looked right into my eyes. It was always important to her that she was not alone with her challenges. I believe she was fully present for that last breath, and it felt like she wanted to be supported in that moment, dying with someone there giving her loving attention. 💕
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BK Books replied:
Jacquelyn, thank you for sharing. I also think a person actively dying is, on some level, (a distant one) aware of what is occurring. Blessings to you! Barbara
Melissa
I was with my mother when she passed away rubbing her shoulder and telling her quietly it was ok. Near her last breath, she opened her eyes very wide as if she was scared to die. My sister loudly started asking my mother why she was opening her eyes as she did not understand the death process. Have you seen a person open their eyes like this?
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BK Books replied:
Yes, Melissa I have seen many people open their eyes wide just before taking their last few breaths. The facial expressions can be varied but eyes are certainly one of the things that occur. From TV and the movies we expect dying to appear smooth and easy with a peaceful face. That is not how people die. Blessings to you and your family. Barbara
I was with my mother when she passed away rubbing her shoulder and telling her quietly it was ok. Near her last breath, she opened her eyes very wide as if she was scared to die. My sister loudly started asking my mother why she was opening her eyes as she did not understand the death process. Have you seen a person open their eyes like this?
———
BK Books replied:
Yes, Melissa I have seen many people open their eyes wide just before taking their last few breaths. The facial expressions can be varied but eyes are certainly one of the things that occur. From TV and the movies we expect dying to appear smooth and easy with a peaceful face. That is not how people die. Blessings to you and your family. Barbara