Always Offer, Never Force: Food at the End of Life
One of the most challenging areas for caregivers is the role of food in the dying process. When caring for someone at the end of life, new rules apply for eating and not eating. With this in mind, I have written Always Offer, Never Force, a guide to these “new rules.” Always Offer, Never Force explains eating and not eating as end of life approaches. It is a “why” and “what to do about it” booklet. It is short, large-print, and direct, yet gentle.
Providing knowledge is 90% of end-of-life work.
- Always Offer, Never Force is a companion to Gone From My Sight and The Eleventh Hour.
- Include it with your initial handout materials.
- Read it with families and caregivers as a teaching and reassuring tool.
- Add your company name and logo sticker as a marketing tool.
- It is not just for hospice use but also for palliative care programs, end-of-life doulas, and other end of life programs.
Food plays many roles in our lives. We socialize over food and express our emotions—both well-being and distress—through eating or not eating. This is a normal part of everyday living. We eat to live, and when the body is preparing to die, it stops eating, but most people don’t know this.
Empower your team with the knowledge they need. Order Always Offer, Never Force today to support your caregivers and families through the end-of-life journey.
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United StatesAlways Offer, Never Force HELPFUL
I found this Handbook to be extremely useful. My sister died from Cutaneous Angiosarcoma late last year. She wanted to live so badly that we felt she should eat so that she could live. The progression outlined in this handbook is spot on, and it certainly helped me to serve her better as a caregiver. It offered understanding and remove some of the unknown about the end of life process for us. I am so grateful to Barbara Karnes for providing this and her other handbooks to caregivers of the dying.
BK Books
Hi Allison, I'm pleased Always Offer, Never Force was helpful to you and your family during your sister's dying process. Knowing what is normal and what to do while all is unfolding helps with the challenge of providing good care. Blessings to you. Barbara
United StatesAlways Offer, Never Force
One of the most challenging aspects of caregiving at the end of life is when your care partner stops eating. It's a fundamental human need, and depending on your familial relationship with food, it can hold a much deeper significance. Beyond sustenance, it can symbolize love, joy, celebration, and even sadness. However, there comes a point when the act of eating comes to a halt. This is where Barbara Karnes' insights come in. In Barbara's new booklet, "Always Offer, Never Force," she delves into why your care partner stops eating in a way that no doctor ever will. She offers a deeper understanding of the situation, showing that stopping eating at the end of life is not something a feeding tube will fix. Barbara is the kind, compassionate, intellectual friend everyone wishes they had. She gently and clearly explains what's happening inside the body, providing simple guidelines for when someone is in the beginning stages of the dying process before the inevitable rejection begins through what occurs when eating ceases. She also clarifies how this rejection of food is part of the dying process and even breaks down the progression and order of rejected foods. Barbara's insights provide practical, empowering information and offer comforting reassurance to caregivers and family members who are witnessing this. It's crucial to understand that this is not a personal failure; it is a natural, inevitable part of the dying process. This booklet is one more in Barbara's collection of indispensable resources for end-of-life care. Rosanne Corcoran Daughterhood, The Podcast
United StatesYour newest book. MAZEL TOV!
Barbara, I'm Yaffa Brautigam. We've exchanged messages a few times. I'm an OCRN with Heartland Hospice. I wanted to thank you, again, for "writing the book", this time on patient-led feeding. This is one of our most difficult conversations with our families. When I was brand new in hospice 5 years ago, my hospice mentor used your materials to teach me. She gave me her knowledge and experience and I owe my career to her. Your materials were the ones I learned with and that birthed the passion for hospice education that I carry around inside of me. I take that knowledge with me and use it EVERY DAY. I ordered 15 of your new booklets to share with my RNCM's and will use it myself in my "stump speech" that I've utilized for every admission. I'll tweak it for my OC visits and help my families to get their heads around this huge hurdle. I wanted to again extend my condolences for your loss. (fellow widow of 16 yrs) Barbara, I am in awe of you. I know that your late husband must be so proud, and I hope that my beloved showed him around when he arrived. (I asked him to) With a grateful heart and a giddy bit of hero worship, I thank you. Yaffa from IG
United StatesExcellent information
It helped me be able to properly e plain about nourishment at end of life and leave people with good information.
BK Books
Hi Barbara, thanks for the positive comment. Sounds like you are in the end of life service arena. Blessing to you in the good work you are doing Barbara
United StatesThank you
Dear Barbara, Just appreciated my copy of the new booklet, Always Offer, Never Force. Very well done! The beauty and true service of your material is that you speak plainly, repeat important points (one of my favorites is "normal and natural way people die.") Loving emotions aside --- and you acknowledge these with deep compassion --- your guidance will help quell guilt, fear, and anger in families. Feel free to apply this testimonial to any area of your blog, website, or product catalog. Blessings! Deborah Roberts The Condolences Coach
BK Books
Hi Deborah, thank you so much for your kind words about my new booklet, Always Offer, Never Force. I'm excited to share it with everyone. I also hope it will quell guilt, fear, and yes, anger that involves food as end of life approaches. Blessings to you in the work you are doing. Barbara
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