Yesterday we put our seventeen year old cat to sleep. Euthanized is the proper term but “put to sleep” has a peaceful feeling and killed has an awful feeling.
I work with dying situations all the time, 42 years to be exact. But this was personal, this was our Danger cat. (I know, a totally inappropriate name for the biggest scaredy cat I’ve ever seen. Husband Jack thought the name would give her courage.)
Over the years we’ve had many animals: dogs, cats, rabbits. All have been indoor, live with us animals. Yes, even the rabbit was cage free and lived in the kitchen. I’ve seen death, animals, and people more than most people BUT it’s never the same when it’s personal, when emotions are involved. When I am ending a life. What a powerful statement that is. Dying is not following its natural course. I am interfering with the order of living.
As difficult as the decision to euthanize a pet is, there is also the difficult decision of when. When do I have her die. Sounds so harsh doesn’t it? It is harsh, yet when is that timeline between now only suffering is left of a life and can we still squeak out some quality.
When have we made the decision to not euthanize because WE don’t want them to be gone versus it is a blessing to end the life. To let them go because it is helpful to them.
I had a veterinarian and her assistant come to the house. They were dear, compassionate people. We held Danger, said goodbye through our tears while a relaxant was given. A few minutes later the second shot was given IV. Before the needle was removed she was gone.
We held her, petted her, let her death sink into us, then handed her little body to Trisha (I feel first name-close to Trisha now that she has been involved in this intimate experience). She gently wrapped Danger’s little body in a baby blanket, leaving her head uncovered and gently, respectfully carried our little cat out of the house.
She is gone, the house seems emptier. Baxter cat (who we let smell her before she left) seems at a bit of a loss, as he wanders the house. Is he looking for her?
I’m wandering too. Processing, reviewing, looking for regrets. No, no regrets. As hard as it was, we did the right thing. We did not continue her suffering for our own wants. Everyone and everything dies. It is what happens in life. There will always be an end.
I think we have the same feelings with people when we are faced with taking a loved one off of life support machines. I hesitate to compare animals with humans but for many of us our animals are our children, both in our lives and hearts so actually the decisions seem equally challenging.
So often our decisions are based on our own selfishness, on what we are comfortable with (even what we are uncomfortable with). “I want my mom even if it is just to look at her and hold her hand.” I want my cat so I can hold her. I am not ready to let her go. Sounds selfish. It is selfish but oh so human. Letting go of something we care very, very much about is a growth experience. An opportunity for us to transcend our personal comfort for the sake of another’s comfort.
Something More about... We Euthanized our Cat Yesterday
For people faced with the loss of a beloved animal, A Place In My Heart: When Our Pets Die offers direction and support during a difficult and seldom understood time.
The experience of a pet dying is traumatic for us. We find ourselves feeling fear, confusion, and apprehension. We want to help, but don't know what to do. This booklet provides signs of approaching death, burial options and support through the grief process.
A Place In My Heart is the Gone From My Sight for those who are facing the death of a beloved animal.
16 comments
Hello Barbara. My name is John,and have gone thru this too many times. My heart truly goes out to you. Putting my last cat Devon to sleep was painful. It was on Nov 25,2021, Thanksgiving Day,and also my mother Mary’s birthday.{She is in Heaven now.} My cat Devon was head butting my arm as the vet gave him the last injection. Know I washed the floor with my tears. As a pastor said one time,"remember the best,and forget the rest. Not really forgeting,but holding them in our hearts.
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BK Books replied:
Hi John Paul, “remember the best, and forget the rest. Not really forgetting, but holding them in our hearts.” I love that! Thanks so much for sharing. Blessings! Barbara
My heart goes out to you, Barbara. I love animals and have adopted many dogs & cats over decades. When I have arrived at that horrific time and had to help them pass away it broke my heart, never ever became less painful. I adore my adopted dog, Samantha, and do not want to think on not having her in my life. Your cat, Danger, was blessed to live her life with you as you were blessed to share your life with Danger.
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BK Books replied:
Hi Rhoda, thank you for your kind words. Blessing to you and Samantha. Barbara
Barbara, I am so sad that you are going through this. I am blessed that you shared your feelings with us. I am happy to know I am not the only one to feel as you did. I am fearful as my cats get older. I am always confused as to why there is not an easier way. I am forever touched each time I hear another’s story of their furry loss.
In the events last year of adding my EOLD credentials to my services and in anticipation of venturing out with my newfound desire to help others in their last days….I was stopped in my tracks.
I was shocked to find out my husband has a fast-growing brain tumor. Immediate chemo, radiation, and surgery was necessary, as I stepped into a new awareness that this was happening to us. He is stable now but we cherish each day now with the unknown of how long.
Having said this, I find I am asking the same questions each day that we deal with in our ill and dying pets. (" Is this the right thing to do, should we finalize his wants for later, will they change, will I be able to know if he changed his mind if he is too ill to tell me." ) It seems cruel to me to push for all the answers, when he may be one of the 1% that recovers for 15 years or more. The grief changes weekly and my questions grow. Blessings for your ongoing work…———
BK Books replied:
Hi Dolly, I am sad to hear of your husband’s serious illness. In regards to asking questions about how we want our last days to be—- we all need Advanced Directives whether we are ill or not. No one knows how long a life will be but I can tell you if you don’t let people know how you want your last days, weeks and even months to be, the medical establishment will not think of quality of your days but only quantity. Be open, you can say " I know this is a scary topic but we need to consider the what if’s. We hope for a cure but let’s talk about how to live into the future if a cure is not there." If I can be of further help use my email barbara@bkbooks.com. You might also find my End of LIie Guideline Series helpful. Blessings! Barbara
I have shared my life and heart with many a cats and dogs over the years. The last dog Phoebe I choose to do a home euthanasia. It was beautiful and the last gift I could give my sweet girl, that hated the Vet and car rides. I will never bring another animal to the vet again to sat goodbye. Was it more expensive- Yes but it is the least I could do for all the years of happiness she gave me.
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BK Books replied:
HI Mary, we felt the same way about Danger being euthanized at home. She was such a timid soul it would have been cruel to spend her last hours going to the vet. Blessings to you and all your fuzzy creatures. Barbara
Barbara,
So sorry to hear about Danger. I know how difficult this is. In January we took a vacation and boarded our 10 year old maltipoo. Sitting in the airport to fly home the kennel called she was sick. I thought it may be stress from leaving her. Picked her up the next morning and she was tired which I expected, but we had a really good day with her. She got very sick during the night, diagnosed with pancreatitis. After 2 trips to the vet, x-rays, labwork, so much pain….we had “Molly” put to sleep. I know we did the right thing. I was so thankful the kennel sent pictures and took videos of her while we were gone. We had no idea when we left those were going to be her final days. She was part of our family. Sending you a hug….
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BK Books replied:
Jeanie, thanks for the hug. Sending one back to you. I still have days I think about her, so does Baxter our other cat. I think he has replaced her with me. Follows me like a puppy where he spent his days with her. Blessings! Barbara
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