I woke up at 8 o’clock this morning (late for me) and just lay there—-blank, thinking nothing, just laying there— then the word “purpose” entered my mind. Why should I get out of bed? Why not just stay in bed all day? Why do I NEED to get out of bed? What do I NEED to do? I NEED a purpose to get out of bed. I realized, because of Covid, my sense of purpose has vastly diminished.
One of the many things I learned from my patients as they approached the end of their life was we all need a purpose to get out of bed each morning. A purpose, a job, a something to do with meaning, to begin our day, to move forward into our living.
When someone has told you you can’t be fixed, that sooner than you expected you will die, your reason for living, your purpose, that which fills your time each day, is changed. All the ideas and ideals you thought were important come under new scrutiny—what is important, what is not.
In the months before my mother’s death I worked hard to help her find purpose. Making a hook rug for her granddaughter’s new baby (the baby that my mother would never see) became her purpose. I have suggested for others to make tape recordings, write memories, sort family albums, pictures, to find a project, a reason to get up in the morning
As death gets closer the interest in everything decreases and eventually as withdrawal progresses the project is put aside, often left undone BUT while it lasted it served a purpose. It was a reason to get out of bed each morning.
Most of us are not knowingly facing the end of our life (although really each day is a day closer to our death and it would behove us to be aware of that) but the pandemic did end a way of life we were living. It stopped our routines, our habits of daily living and forced us to reexamine how we are living our lives, what is important to us, how do we just survive.
For some their job (healthcare workers, service industry workers) pushed their purpose to their limits. It wasn’t what do I get up for but how can I get up for this overwhelming responsibility forced upon me. It questioned their purpose- why am I doing this?
Then there are those of us forced to shelter, to disconnect, to stop what we were doing. Again to question our purpose—not why am I doing this but what can I do while this is happening?
I’m surprised it has taken me a year for the word “purpose” to enter my mind. The year of 2020 changed everyone’s sense of purpose, made everyone question their reason for getting out of bed each morning.
Something More about... A Reason To Get Out of Bed
If you or someone you know has an unfixable disease, I suggest my booklet A Time To Live: Living With A Life Threatening Illness.
7 comments
You hit the nail on the head! I used to think it would be wonderful to have nothing to do all day; no reason to get up; I could do anything I wanted. What a shock to find out that isn’t as much fun as I thought it would be! We all need a reason to get out of bed!! (Even if my timeline is a little later)!!
Hi Cynthia, Thank you SOOOO much for your comments. I had a teacher once tell me “as long as we are breathing some one is learning something”. And I will add, we don’t have to know who that someone is”. Our very existence is reason enough to get out of bed in the morning or not. You are right we tend to value productivity and shame idleness. Again thank you for the very important perspective. Blessings! Barbara
Hi Denis, I know it has been extra hard with Covid restrictions. A kind of apathy seems to have set in. Hopefully you have gotten your (or will get soon) vaccination and you can be out and about more. Walking, just going to the store, helps with the purposeless that seems to surround so many of us, add the death of your wife, the loss of the camaraderie you two had and you are very isolated. My wish for you is to find a project. Think about what you can do. Maybe drop me a line at barbara@bkbooks.com and tell me what you are considering as your reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Blessings to you. Barbara
That feeling of “what’s the use of getting out of bed today” has really been a major thought since my wife of 53 years passed away one year ago. I find it very hard to get enthusiastic to do much of anything most days. And certainly, the Covid isolation has just made it worse. Too much time being alone to dwell on good times passed, and then getting depressed when realizing that they won’t be happening again.
I love these book’s & continually share with family & friends as needed! THANK YOU!
Leave a comment